Eye contact
by one-day-or-another
Summary: Brittany is now a sophomore, this is supposed to be amazing. But Brittany soon enough gets some problems with a very special girl. Santana may be a bitch, but also a sweetheart, behind closed curtains of course. Is that ever going to change?
1. How it all began

Hey there, this fic is about Brittana and I just started it, so it's going to last a long time. I'm like really really sorry if the language is worse than I thought it would be, but English isn't my first language. So, at least I just hope that you're going to enjoy this story. :) There you go fandom:

* * *

Well, it's the first day of my sophomore year.

Honestly, there won't be big differences from last year since the half of my classmates are still with me. But one thing will happen, I promised this to myself, I'm going to come out.

I don't know why it's such a big deal for me, but I guess it has something to do with the fact that I don't know any lesbian so I'm just stuck with all the heterosexual people who say stupid things about gays. I don't really give a fuck about that, but still I'm kind of nervous when it comes to this subject. Why do we have to judge people by their sexuality, it would be much nicer to judge someone because of the car he drives. Plus, the car is something you can chose, sexuality is something you get.

I think this is the part where it comes to the story before my story. It wasn't really hard to figure out that I feel about girls in a wrong way. Just for the record, I never stared at a girls ass after/before PE or something. To be honest, I don't really do staring at asses at all. I like eye contact way better which kind of makes me sound like a creep, but I'm not. I promise.

So, I just tried to love a boy. This sounds weird.. I mean, you don't try to love someone usually, but I did. And I thought it would work out until he wanted to kiss me. Nope, getting touchy with a boy wasn't the thing I wanted. So, I just watched Ellen and thought being a lesbian is not as stupid as I thought. I also watched lesbian couples on You Tube just to realize that the way I feel is not dumb or abnormal.

This was in the 7th grade, I kind of lost my thoughts and spend most of my time watching videos. I was a closet lesbian ( yes, it does sound stupid). Well, I still am. But that's going to change soon.. Maybe. (kind of prologue)

#*#*#*#*

After this whole "I'm a lesbian" thoughts thing, I arrived at school. We got a letter which told me where my locker was. You know, the first thing that can make you a loser is your locker. I hoped it would be one that I can reach, since I'm 1,80m tall that won't be such a problem but I totally didn't want to have one on the floor. I mean come on, disaster!

When I got to my locker, and thank god it was normal high, I saw the girl that had the locker next to me. She looked nice, but I wouldn't have tried to talk to her. I didn't need to, she did..

"Hey, one of the new kids?" she asked me like it was nothing.. Well, of course, it was nothing but I'm never good at greeting new people. Since I'm in freshman year I promised to not try to be cool and just be myself, and so was my answer, like myself: "Sure, this school sucks, but my locker is a nice one."

"Uh, yeah, it totally sucks.. But you hadn't lessons yet, so what about we talk again after the first lesson?"

I don't know what it was, guess she just wanted to be nice.. but honestly, that was the last thing I wanted now. I thought about telling her I was a lesbian, then she would totally run. But also, the rest of the school would know. Awful.

So I was directly with her: "What are you trying? Is this a thing you have to do? Because, you know.. it's not necessary since the half of my old classmates got here too."

She looked like I hit her in the face, but she couldn't make eye contact with me, she just couldn't and I don't know why.

"Yeah, I got that. But I didn't have as much luck as you.. I'm alone here, and for the record, I'm Santana, and I'm new too." And with that, she was gone. Shit. OK, 15 minutes in high school and I already were an asshole.

My first class was Maths (the day couldn't get any worse) and I knew where I had to go and so it came that I got there in time. When I went into the room I saw this girl, and I knew the place next to her wouldn't be free much longer, because she looked awesome, so I made my way through the desks and sat down next to her. She looked at me for a second and wanted to jump of her seat, I stopped her (god, I'm so proud of myself). Making excuses is one of the things I'm really good at.

"Stop, I'm sorry I was such a bitch earlier. It was just.. (fuck, I lost my words) man, you know all these high school movies where you just get into a new school and one of the cool kids is nice to you, but at the end of the day you recognize that paper on your back with the words: Kick me..? Besides you didn't really look like a girl that is in 9th grade. I'm really sorry." She looked at me again and gave me a sad smile, but she didn't make eye contact with me. Why? I mean, her eyes are brown big and beautiful, just like the rest of her (yeah, not big.. but beautiful).. But she couldn't. "So, I'm Brittany, and you can judge me if you want but I'm like stupid as hell when it comes to maths."

"Uhm, okay. We'll see." She turned around and looked straight to the teacher. I don't really know if she made eye contact with the teacher, but after I realized what I was thinking about I looked at him too. Maths was fucking boring, Santana had to explain like everything for me, because I didn't get it. After she explained I still didn't know what this was about. But I were to shy to ask again.

"I don't really know how to get to my locker..", Santana said and I had a hard time to not laugh but just answered: "Since your locker is right next to mine I could go with you. What's your next lesson?" I asked her. She didn't get to answer me because Tina and Quinn ran to me and hugged me tightly. They are my best friends for already 7 years now. Unfortunately I had no classes with them.

"Tina, Quinn, this is Santana, she has the locker next to me.. By that.. where are yours?" Tina and Quinn smiled at Santana but then turned around to face me again: "The floor down and then on the left. They are next to each other.. Yours?" I was kind of disappointed that they were totally not in my direction but got over it very fast. " Opposite direction.. Gonna see you after school?" They nodded and got away. "Your friends are pretty nice.." I felt good because she liked them, because Quinn is totally one of the biggest bitches I know, and Tina is a total diva. But they could be nice too. That's in fact the cause for them to be my best friends. "So far.. " I didn't want to lie to her, so I just said something neutral. We got to our lockers and I remembered my question I had asked her. "So.. You still didn't answer my question.. what's your next lesson?" She looked at her timetable and said: "Spanish. This is going to be so boring." I looked at mine too and had to smile about the fact that we had mostly the same classes. But wait, how could Spanish be boring? It's like super interesting and super hard at the same time? When we started walking to our room I asked her about that. "Don't get me wrong, I love the language.. but the thing is, my mother's Spanish and so I was raised up bilingual. And having all those stupid Spanish-teachers around, that by the way teach wrong things is just super boring." Now it's like super stupid that I didn't realize that earlier because her skin doesn't look very American. It's a bit too dark. She's a Latina, and I didn't get that until now.. stupid, stupid Brittany. "Yeah, I guess you could teach me better hm?" She just shrugged and walked into the room. She sat down and before I had a chance a boy sat down next to her. I kind of looked around to get another place but stopped at her table again, the seat next to her was free. "Do you want to wait for like forever or are you going to sit down?" I sat down and tried to look into her eyes. Not a chance. I don't really know why she does that, she just blocks every (fucking) try to make eye contact. I guess she doesn't like the fact to be read. Because it's like really easy to know what's going on with people by their eyes. She had helped me the whole time, and I just got an awesome idea. Maybe she could teach me. Because it's like her language and I could get to know her better too. Which I really have to since we have most classes together. So after class I knew we both had free-time now "Wanna hang out?" She just smiled while packing her book into her bag (it looked pretty cool by the way, the bag I mean). We went outside and sat down next to the football field. "So, I have a question.." she just nodded. "You speak Spanish fluently right? Maybe hum.. I don't know.. I just thought that maybe.. you could teach me?" I tried to not look at her, because asking people anything isn't really my favorite thing to do. To be honest I hate it, I hate ordering food too, that's the reason why I'm never going to have pizza alone. "Sure, why not? What does your week look like?" I hoped that she would say that, because I didn't want to do that at school. "Hm, what do you think about Friday?" "Sounds awesome. So every Friday 5pm at my house.. I'm gonna get you my address later. Next we have German, this is going to be hard." German? I didn't realize that I have this subject until she mentioned it. My family is German, so this is going to be easy for me.

"Well, you know.. I have my benefits too." She looked questioningly at me and furrowed her brows without looking into my eyes.. It was frustrating. "My family is German. I'm the first who was born in America to be honest."

"That is awesome.."

I wasn't sure what to talk about next so I decided to shut my mouth and just lay down in the grass. We spend most of the time we had with laying down and talking about the clouds when her phone rang. She didn't look for knowing who it was, she just answered it straight. "Jep?" she looked at me with an excusing expression. "Hm? No, just hanging around with... my classmate.. Yeah sure. German. Forget it."

"Well, who was that?" I kind of stopped trying to make eye contact because it would never work.

"Uhm, no one. Just my stupid father, who told me to be punctual." She shrugged and stood up.

"Wait, San, where are you going?" After I spoke this words, I realized what I just said.

"Oh Britt-Britt, we have to go to class. It begins in like 10minutes. Come on, it's time for you to teach me German." She held her hand into my direction and I took it without thinking so that she could help me to get up (which I totally could have managed on my own). When I stood right next to her, I kind of forgot to loosen the grip I had around her hand. She just stared at me (with of course no eye contact) but didn't say anything. It took me like 5 seconds to realize what was going on. After I did, I loosened the grip I had and just said "Sorry."

She shrugged and answered like very cold "Nothing happened. Let's just go to class!"

The walk to our classroom was silent until I asked her something: "Are you going to sit next to me?" She kind of laughed (I didn't really know why) and answered: "First choice!"

We sat down at one of the last tables so we could have talked the whole time and the teacher wouldn't have noticed it. It was nice to be like super intelligent in (at least) one subject. They had massive problems with the pronunciation and none of them really knew when you have to use 'Ä', 'Ö' or 'Ü' which was like super funny for me. Santana wasn't bad in German at all. She had little problems, but could speak a better German than some immigrants who already live there for 10 years as my mother always says. 20 minutes left and we had to write something about our first day and what we like about this school. I was ready in 5 minutes since we only had to write 100 words but could saw that Santana would need another hour to finish her text. I asked if I should help her but she just said something like: "I'm not stupid!" I don't know why she said this, so I just answered: "And I don't think that, but you helped me with Spanish and Maths.. so maybe - " I was cut of by our teacher, which made me think that I maybe began to talk a little too loud. He wanted to see my text, so I showed him. He looked curious at me and said something about how awesome it is. But after that he said I could go. I asked Santana if I should wait for her, but no answer. I walked out of the classroom to my locker. I had to wait there for Quinn and Tina. After 10 minutes of waiting Santana came and got to her locker. She looked at me with an expression you can't describe.

I would have thought that I did something wrong if I hadn't known it better. But still she looked awesome and kind. I turned around and tried to not look at her, which really worked (for my surprise) until she decided to talk to me: "Do you know when the bus for Lima Heights goes?" I was shocked, first, she talked to me. Second, her voice was soft and small, the completely opposite to the voice I got in the classroom. Third, how could she forget about that? I'm really not a drama queen, but I know when you have to talk about problems. I turned myself around to face her. She smiled, I didn't smile back and I was really happy when I saw that Tina and Quinn are walking into my direction because I couldn't have stayed that situation any longer. I looked at Santana one last time, gave her a "You're not stupid." and began to walk forwards to my friends. I didn't even turn back to know what she looks like..(stupid, I wish I did).

Hanging out with Quinn and Tina was the same as always, they talked about all the hot guys around school and I pretended to do the same. They had to be the first to know about my coming-out but only one day had passed, so it would totally be to early for something like that. "Britt, who was that Santana girl you hung around with?" Well, not thinking about Santana was easy, so I guess our 'fight' didn't affect me at all. How could it, I barely know her and if the way she was today is the way she always is if someone offers their help to her, this won't change. "Uhm, she's hum.. I don't really know her. We just have mostly the same classes. I guess that's it." "Is she going to be with us next time?" Quinn always wanted to meet new people. That could be awesome, like that one time in cheerleader-camp when we didn't knew any of those other girls but we were still stuck with them for 2 weeks. "No, I don't think so." I lied, I wish I had said yes, because I wanted Santana to hang around with us. But honestly, I didn't know if I would ever talk to her again. We spend the rest of the evening watching Grey's Anatomy, of course, I mean it wasn't enough that I had to deal with being a closet lesbian, no, watching 2 lesbians fight gives it the real kick. And honestly, if Callie and Arizona break-up again, I'll stop watching that shitty series. I mean, Callie took Arizona back after she went to Africa, she married her, she saved her freaking life, she was so patient with her. It made Callie break, but she didn't give up on Arizona. 2 people lost their life in this stupid plane-crash but Arizona keeps whining about her freaking leg. And after all, Arizona finally cheated on Callie with the next blonde who's walking around. Definitely not fair. Callie deserves better.

After Tina and Quinn went home I just wanted to go to bed. I took my mobile for turning the alarm clock on when the Facebook-sign came up. It said that someone sent me an invitation. I looked and it was her, Santana. I played with the thoughts of pressing no but pressed yes at the same time. She wrote me a message (like 2 seconds after I just said yes to the invitation) which said:

"I'm sorry for today.. I wasn't meant to be so rude to you.."

I answered as quickly as my thumbs allowed me to "Yeah, I got it, you don't need my help."

"I'm not used to that. I'm really sorry okay? Can we just start fresh tomorrow?"

"Oh, easy. I don't think so. Besides, the only class we have together tomorrow is history. I'm going to bed now. Bye."

And with that I logged myself out of Facebook (I never did that before..).

I got up early the next day, because my first class is sport and before the lesson the coach Sue Sylvester wanted to look for some new girls who wants to join Cheerios. I totally wanted that, I mean.. I'm dancing since I was a small kid. My mother said my first word was 'tanzen'. Well, I guess she told me because it's German, and not because it was something that has to do with dancing.

Anyways I love dancing. I really do. And since I'm not as smart as I wish I'd be, that's possibly a good thing to earn money when I finished high-school.

When I arrived, I've seen all the other girls, who wanted to join Cheerios too. I knew Quinn would be here and so I went searching her. I didn't really think about the fact, that Santana could try to join Cheerios too, but since her body looks kind of awesome that could have been possible. And yes, she was there. It was awkward to see her so I turned around again and hoped she wouldn't have seen me. I've never been a lucky person. "Brittany! Hey!" of course why should she shut her (fucking) mouth."What is it?" I was cold. I was never good at playing the 'who's-colder' game but I thought this time I could win. Especially because she didn't even try to be cold. "I'm sorry about yesterday, I was a bitch.. and I didn't mean to be like that to you. But, I hate it when people think that I'm stupid.." Really? Was she really saying that? I was called the most stupid girl around in junior-high. She didn't really say that, did she? I only asked her, if I could help her, I didn't make fun about her in another language, I didn't even thought that she was stupid. But she was saying that she doesn't like it when people think that she is stupid? Hell to the no! "Are you kidding me? Santana, I only asked you, if I could help you. You could have said no or something like that, but what did you say? You said that you're not stupid. Okay I got that. But what you have said a minute ago, is the biggest bullshit I've ever heard. I was called the most stupid girl in junior-high! Do you really think that was nice? They made fun about me in Spanish, they called me names I didn't get because I wasn't smart enough. They threw me their drinks in the face and said something like 'I should wake up from my dream'! Junior-high was everything else than a dream for me, believe me. But they were right, I wasn't smart, and I'm still not as smart as most people in our age. After all, I would have been thankful for someone who could have helped me with my school stuff. I could have needed someone. But no. Nobody wanted to help me. And now, you say something like 'I don't like it when somebody thinks I'm stupid'? I just wanted to help you but okay, honestly? Now I think you're stupid. Have a nice day and probably you should look for someone else who wants to sit besides you the next time. Au revoir." While I told her all those things (which I really meant) I tried to make eye contact but as always she didn't let me in. I was so annoyed by her, that I kind of run away.

After that (and that was awesome) I found Quinn and we walked together to coach Sylvester. I was so angry that I could have killed everyone. I mean, fuck it! My life has always been okay but junior-high-school were the hardest years until now. I'd rather come-out every day than living the junior-high years again. And then, there comes this girl around and thinks she's got a bad life because I offered her my help? No way, without me.

But, instead of killing someone I tried to concentrate on my mission. I wanted to become a Cheerio. She gave us 3 exercises we should do, they weren't difficult but still I wanted to give everything.

After I did them (and I did them really good) I went to the gym for sports. Sports have been easy since we only played volleyball. To be honest, I thought about Santana the whole time, I didn't know what she was thinking about me now, but I didn't really care. I was kind of proud about myself because I was tough enough to say all those things and I didn't cry (for my surprise). But I knew I would see her in like 20 minutes because that's the time history (I hate it so much, I thought about skipping but refreshed my head as fast as possible) starts. I thought being the last student in the room would keep me from sitting next to her. But no, when I said goodbye to Quinn and Tina and walked into my room 5 minutes before the class started there was only one seat free. Honestly, how is that possible? There are 2 possibilities: First: She wasn't only rude to me. Second: she told the others to not sit down next to her. I hoped it was the first one, because I don't like the idea of her wanting me beside her. "Serious? Can't you sit down besides someone else?" When I heard my own words I was impressed. I've never heard myself talking so unaffected. She must have recognized that because she looked kind of hit. "Brittany, just sit down. Please." Not that I had a choice it was almost beginning of the lesson and the teacher was already there too. So I sat down. I tried to sit as much away from her as possible, she stared at me the first ten minutes until I said something: "If you don't stop the staring I'm going to ask for another seat." with that she looked down and I was satisfied. The teacher went out of the room because he had to copy some papers. Of course she used that possibility. She took my hand so I had to face her. She didn't look in my eyes, but she stared at my lips. I can't say why, maybe that's her exchange for eye contact. "Britt, I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to do or say any of the things I had. I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't know that your past was that horrible. I'm so sorry, I really am. Please, give me another chance. You're the only one I have right now. And to be honest, I'd love to become friends with you. Please, let's start fresh. And, I didn't think that you would think I'm stupid. I just wanted to impress you with my German-skills. I finished my text. Here, you can read it. " she gave me a piece of paper. I removed my hand from where it has been and took the letter. I didn't mean to read it now, I just wanted to read it alone. So I placed it in my bag. I didn't say anything to her but we were sitting closer now. When class ended she asked me, if I wanted to have lunch with her. I just said that my other subject was canceled and that I would go home now. I went home really fast and when I saw that my parents weren't at home I decided to read that letter.

_Neue Schule, neues Glück. _

_Heute hatte ich meinen ersten Tag an der High-School. Ich glaube, dass ich diesen Neuanfang gebrauchen kann. Zwar hatte ich an meiner alten Schule viele Freunde, aber nicht besonders gute, wie sich während des Schulwechsels gezeigt hat. Ich hatte heute Mathe, Spanisch und Deutsch. Ich fand den heutigen Tag eigentlich ganz gut, aber er hätte besser sein können. Aber ich hab auch schon jemanden kennengelernt, mit dem es sich ganz gut aushalten lässt. Brittany. Sie sitz in bis jetzt jedem Fach neben mir und außerdem ist ihr Schließfach genau bei meinem. Ich denke wir können uns sehr gut anfreunden. Ich hoffe sie sieht das genauso._

Well, that wasn't exactly what I thought someone would write about their first day in a new school.. but still it didn't sound too cheesy. A bit broken, and the grammar wasn't that awesome, but I understood what she wanted to say. I didn't mean to tell her that right now. Then my phone rang. I wanted to see who's number it was, but there were only numbers and no name. After what felt like a lifetime (well, honestly it were 3 seconds) I answered the call.  
"You're talking to Brittany Susan Pierce." (Since my mother told me it would be too long, I stopped saying "You're talking to Brittany Susan Pierce mother of Lord Tubbington and the biggest pussy-lover around" Yeah, the pussy thing was kind of mean. But I wanted to give the people a little clue about my sexuality.)

"Uhm, yeah.. It's me."(How am I supposed to know who's there if there exist about 7mrd me's around the world?)

"Who's me?" I sounded kind of bitchy, but I didn't care at all.

"Santana." (Fuck, now I cared.)

"Oh, well, hi. I'm sorry I sounded so bitchy but I just, well.. (read your letter and totally want to be your best friend) ate something."

"Ah, okay. And after eating you always sound like that?" Why couldn't she just say something like okay?

"Well, anyways. That's not the reason you called right?" (Lucky person.)

"Yeah, not really.. I wanted to know if you've read that letter?"

"Hm, kind of." (Cold, colder, Brittany.)

"So, what do you think of it? Any grammar mistakes?"

"Yeah, some.. but nobody will recognize them of they aren't German at all"

"Uh, that's nice, I guess."

"Santana, what's the point of this talk?"

"You."

"Sorry?"  
"I mean, us.. well, friendship."

"Okay, you have to know that I should hung up now, Tubbs is going to kill me if I'm forget to feed him. See you tomorrow."

"Britt wait! I -" And with that I hang up. Not quite sure why I did that, but in that moment it felt good to have control.

I lay down in my bed, and waited for falling asleep I didn't have to wait that long, since I'm a really good sleeper.

The next morning felt good. It felt like a new start and I totally wanted to get clear with Santana too. Plus, in my dreams and after talking to Tubbs I decided that I should tell her about my sexuality problem. So I got to school. I stood at my locker for about 15minutes but Santana didn't came. I started my way to the classroom late but were there in time. I got a seat beside a random girl, (actually I totally knew her since she was in my last class but compared to Santana she was a random girl) because I didn't see Santana. After class I searched her in the whole school, but she wasn't there. I don't know if she skipped or if she was sick.

It wasn't a problem for me since I could talk to everyone here but I had to tell her the things about me. I passed the day and after school I wanted to visit her not really for giving her the homework, but for checking if she's alright and for telling her. I got to her house (I knew the address from my teacher.. after I told him I would give her the homework). It was big, Honestly it looked like a freaking mansion. I rang the doorbell.(twice, I've never been a patient girl) After that a women opened the door and looked at me questioningly. She was beautiful, just like Santana. It was totally obviously that she had to be Santana's mom. I had a hard time not to tell her how beautiful she is..(I always had a thing for Latinos, no matter if men or women) "Uhm, hey. I'm Brittany, I came over to give Santana the homework.." "Oh, yeah right, I'm Santana's mom. she's kind of sick. Come in. The one upstairs and then on the left is her room." "Okay, thanks." I got into the house and took off my shoes. After that I got upstairs and looked for her room. The house must have been very expensive. And the location looked extremely luxury at all. I didn't really knew that this houses existed in Lima. I knocked on her door. "Yeah?" Her voice was small, and she sounded tired and sad. I felt guilty because for some reason I thought that it could have been my fault.

I got in the room and she stared at me like I wanted to shoot her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to look after you.. You didn't went to school today. I wanted to know if you're alright"

"Yes I am, you can go now." I didn't know that I messed up so many things with my action the day before. She didn't look at me, I knew she wouldn't make eye contact but she just stared out of the window, which was on the opposite of the room. "Santana, listen to me. I didn't mean to be like that to you. I like you, I really do. But the things you said made me think about my past. Honestly, I just don't like thinking about my past. There happened so many things and I have to forget about it, because if I don't, It will always follow me. And I want to start fresh too, because I really really like you." With that she turned around and hugged me. While she did that I could feel a single tear rolling down my cheek. Why? I mean, yeah I like her. But I barely know her and I'm not supposed to feel about her things like butterflies or anything else (the butterflies aren't there yet, but I know they'll come if I don't do anything against it) Just friends. "You, know.. I have to tell you something." She looked at me and I continued: "I.. hum.. Maybe.. gosh, this is really hard." She took my hand and that was the first time she looked me in the eyes. I lost it. It was so freaking awesome. Her eyes are so pretty, and they had this warm expression and I felt everything and nothing at the same time. I can't explain it, it's just.. awesome. "You can tell me everything, you know that right? Because I really like you too." I just nodded but continued to say the thing I had to tell her. "I'm... Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.." She came closer, and honestly? I don't know if friends stay that close all the time, but it calmed me down (as much as it could..) and the fact that her eyes didn't leave mine made me feel a bit better too. "Santana, I'm gay. I mean, I like girls, in a way I shouldn't like them.. you know?" She didn't take steps away (like I thought she would), instead she came closer, took my face with both of her hands and kissed me forehead.

I can't explain what it felt like, but it was the best feeling I ever had. For what's worth it, I wished her lips would have never left my skin. "That's awesome. Thanks for telling me, and no I'm not homophobic. We'll have a nice friendship, I know this."

I was kind of speechless, I mean, she kissed me. Of course only forehead but still she kissed me. Why? I mean, I barely know her. I really had to think about the whole Santana-thing.

"Uhm, thanks. Yes, I hope so. But, San?" She started again with doing anything but eye contact. Why? In this intimate moment we just had, she was like forcing me to look in her eyes, but now? Her eyes are on my lips or whatever. I think it will take me some more time to figure this girl out, if ever.

"What is it Pierce?" She sounded chilly and if I wouldn't know it better, I would think I just told her the weather of the day.

"Please, can you keep it? I'm not out to anyone, you're the first I told..I just.. I'm not ready. You know?"

She nodded and hugged me again. This time a little bit tighter than the first time. After I let go of her we talked a while about school and stuff but then I went home (it was almost 10 pm and my parents or Tubbs didn't call..). Time's passed and so it came that it was Thursday evening. I watched Pretty Little Liars until I heard the doorbell ring. First I didn't even think about getting it, but it could have been an unicorn so I opened the door and my jaw dropped. "Santana?" She looked awful, there was dirt and dust all over her clothes, her hair was a (freaking) mess and I don't know why, but still she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She was weak, I could see that ( well, everybody could have see that), it was the first time I've seen her like that, but I didn't want to get used of it since she seemed very sad and hurt. "Can I come in?" I barely heard it. She didn't look at me, she kept her eyes on the floor. "What happened to you?" I was scared, I really was. She didn't answer my question instead she just walked into the house. I was alone since my parents decided to see a movie and so I didn't have to care about the floor and if it gets dirty because of her.

"Uhm, well.. Maybe you should take a shower?" She really had to take one. My heart broke with every tear that crossed her face and so I just hugged her, without caring about my clothes and that they are going to get dirty too. When I hugged her, she collapsed into me with all of her weight. I thought lifting the girl up and carry her would be a good idea. Especially because I thought she wouldn't be able to walk. So I did. I carried her (no problem for a girl with my muscles) to the bathroom upstairs and let her down on the toilet. She didn't say anything, she just kept her arms around my neck. "Okay, you really should take a shower, can you do it on your own?" She looked at me and I didn't have to ask her twice. "Okay, so I'm gonna take off your shirt, your jeans and your socks, just for the record. But if you want your underwear doesn't have to go." She just nodded. I really didn't know what happened to her, but I had to find out. To be honest, that meant that I would have to wait until she would tell me because I had no idea where to begin. School was normal and unspectacular today. So it must have had something to do with her family, but her mom seemed so nice the other day.. It wasn't until I heard that her crying got harder that I started to take off her shirt. She didn't move at all, she just lifted her arms up to help me a bit. My eyes never left her, because I wanted to see if she reacted at some point. But nothing. Not even when I unbuttoned her jeans. She just looked very tired and fragile. I took off her jeans, her shoes and her socks with one move. After I did that I looked at her, she was so beautiful. Her body was perfect. I could see her boobs were perfect too, since they were only covered by her blue bra (which totally fits with her panty). Her abs looked like the ones every girl calls perfect and they want to have one like hers but they never really get there, her legs had no ends. But that's nothing compared to the best of all, her skin. It took my breath. It was the typical tone everybody wants to have (I think she is like the girl everybody wants to be). On her it looks even better than on any other girl. The tone was awesome and I wanted to kiss it. I don't know why, I just wanted to kiss it. At the same time I felt some strange feelings in my stomach. Of course I knew this feeling, the tingles, the butterflies, everything. When I recognized what I did I stopped it. She is my friend! I can't think about her like that. And of course I can't look at her like that too. I lifted her up again but this time I didn't have to carry her that long. I let her down in the bathtub and took the shower faucet. I waited until the water got warm enough and started to shower her. She just sat there and didn't say anything. It was so weird and with every minute she didn't say something I just wanted to know what happened to her even more. I showered her whole body. From time to time she turned herself a bit around so that I could shower the other parts of her body. When it came to her back I realized how small it is, and that I'm much taller than her. It was the first time I thought about that. She was like, very small, and I never realized it? Well, maybe that's because I'm very tall and she's normal but for me at this point she has been small.

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Okay, that's it for the first chapter, what's going on with Santana? You'll figure it out in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and it would be nice if you could give me a little review. :)


	2. Not gay

Well, 2nd chapter isn't as long as the first, but I hope you'll still enjoy it. :)  
(again, I'm sorry about the language.)

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"Okay, you can come out of the tub now.." No reaction.. "San?" She didn't move. I don't know if she wasn't able to or if she just didn't want to. "Okay, I'm gonna carry you again. Come on, take a grip around my neck." Now she moved. Well, only her arms but still she moved. I don't want to get used of this. Not knowing what happened. She acted like she was in trance. It was scary. I didn't feel good seeing her like that. And I didn't feel good because of the feelings that came with that. I felt like she needed me. That was a good feeling. But it felt way better than it should have. I mean, she's my friend. I don't even know what kind of friend, best friend, have-a-coffee-with friend, have-classes-with friend, get-congratulations-for-birthday-friend or more than that? Okay, now wasn't the right time to think about that since she was laying in my arms with her arms around my neck. It was so easy for me to pick her up, no problems. (yeah, I'm really strong when it comes to physically things) I carried her to my bedroom when we arrived her eyes widened and she kind of jumped out of my arms. "What the fuck are you doing?", she screamed. Her voice was so loud, I didn't remember she could speak that loud at all. She looked like I'd tried to rape her (of course I didn't) and again she cried (like a waterfall). She was the completely opposite from the Santana I just showered.

At first I was shocked. She didn't say anything since we got into the bathroom but now she's able to scream at me like a (freaking) lion?

"Uhm, I wanted to give you some-" I was cut off by her. But not because she talked again or because she slapped me, no. Because she threw herself onto me with a hug that made me lose my breath. Not because she was breathtaking (well, at least that's not the only reason) but she hugged me so tightly that I really couldn't breath. After I hugged her back, she loosened the grip a bit. So I could breath again. "Santana, what's going on?" I asked her because I really had no idea what was going on.

Especially not since she screamed at me, and then threw herself onto me. Like what? Why would she do that? She didn't answer my question, but after all I didn't really think she would anyways.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me now. But please stop crying okay?" (stupid.)

Instead she cried even harder. I had to know what happened to her. I really had to.  
I hugged her as tight as my lungs would allow. I'm not sure about it, but I think it made her calm down a bit (for god's sake).

Well, at least it calmed her down enough to talk again. This time with the voice she had when I opened the front door, so weak and fragile.  
Kind of breakable. " I.. can I.. Can I stay over night?"

I gave her a small smile and tried to show her.

Actually, that was a really hard thing to do, cause she was still in my arms with her head resting on my chest.  
I think she could hear my heartbeat so I tried to play cool.

Honestly, I think if my heart would have raced like I thought it did, she would have panicked and stuff. That was of course not my destination.

"Yeah, sure. You can sleep in my bed, I'm going to rest on the couch..", my voice was soft and calm. I hoped she felt a bit better.

"No, we can both sleep in your bed."

My heart began to raise.

I mean, did she just say that? We know each other for about a week and she would sleep in the same bed with me? I've only done that with Quinn and Tina before, but they're my best friends since first class and so they're like the sisters I've never had. But Santana? Santana's like a stranger compared to Quinn and Tina.

I mean, I really really like her and she's probably the most beautiful girl in the world, but still it felt kind of strange.

Do we cuddle, or do we just lay next to each other? Do I get to touch her, or do I have to keep space between us?

I was so confused, she must have recognized that, because she pulled away and looked me in the eyes (for the 2nd time now, and still it was breathtaking and awesome).

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with that.", she said.  
She was kind of shy and that were the first words she spoke without tears streaming down her face that evening.

"Oh, yeah sure I am.. I was just thinking. Do you want a shirt and a pair of pants to sleep in?"

There was that silent girl again. She didn't say anything but nodded.

I gave her an oversized shirt and red shorts.  
Without saying anything she walked into the bathroom (for changing I guess). I changed as well and lay down in my bed. I tried to lay as much left as possible because I wanted to give her enough space.  
When she came back she got under the covers too.  
Well, at first I thought she would keep herself on the right sight, but when I felt her warm body against mine I knew she wouldn't.

She cuddled up to me and nuzzled her nose into my neck. Her arm was around my waist. I took my arm and rested it on her back.

I felt good. She felt good. We fit very good together, it's perfect.  
I held her, the whole night or at least for a few hours.

I don't really know what I feel for her.  
But if I'm getting used to her being this close to me, this is ending with me falling for her.

Falling for her?

That means falling for Santana. Falling for a girl who might be straight.(Yes of course, at first you always think a person is straight)  
Or is she gay? Maybe she's bisexual.  
This could mean everything.  
Well, probably I didn't thought she was gay because when I told her that I am gay, she just said that she's okay with that.

If she was gay too, she would have said that, right?

Okay this was like really confusing for me.

She laid in my bed and more important, she laid in my bed with the half of her body on top of me.  
If I didn't knew it better, I would have said we were girlfriends.  
I totally had to talk to her about that the other day.

Still, I didn't know anything about the reason why she came here.

I couldn't sleep, not only because of her warm breath against my neck but also because of my brain (if it would work like that when it comes to school, I would have been an A-results student).  
There were so many things I had to think about.

The last time I couldn't sleep because of thinking was when I told myself that I'm gay.  
That was a very hard time. There were nights I just sat on my bed and talked to god. I just wanted him to make me straight. I didn't get why it was me. But I'm okay with that now.

I mean, it's not really a why-question.  
It's not a thing that I have to be ashamed of too and since Santana knows, I'm thinking about telling my parents too.

And then I began to panic: Okay, hold on, my parents? I don't know if they're okay with gay people.. What if they aren't? What if they won't support me? What if they gonna throw me out of the house? Where am I supposed to live? Well, maybe I could move in with Santana.. But, what if my parents won't ever talk to me again? Like, what if they hate gay people?

Before I could start to hyperventilate the girl next to me (well, on top of me would fit better) moved.  
At first I thought she would want to leave me and go to sleep on her own side.  
But she didn't. Instead she took her leg over my body and got up.

Now she had one leg on each side of me.

It was frustrating with her. I mean, I don't even know her, but still she's sitting on top of me?  
Like, what is that?  
You don't do that. Not with someone you barely know. I wouldn't even do that with Quinn or Tina.(Okay, with them it's not a very touchy friendship anyways) But still, the only one I've ever done that with before, is Tubbs.

But only when he smoked because I had to smell his breath and that only works when he's sleeping. (Yes, he sleeps like human on his back) I must have been in my thoughts for a while, cause when stared at me (no eye contact) and spoke (!) it gave me a little shock.

"Britt? Did you hear me?" (yes, I've been in my thoughts.)

Her voice has been solid (surprise). There were no fears and she clearly didn't cry anymore. I could totally understand her without problems, maybe the sleep calmed her down a bit.

Wait, the sleep?

I turned my head to see what time it was for the 2nd time that night.  
The first one was about 1AM when my parents came home.

It was 3AM. Gosh, she slept for 3 hours, but more important: for 3 hours the only thing I thought about was me coming out and her.  
Oh, right her, I had to answer her, if I want her to still believe that I'm a human.

I turned my head back to face her : "I..uhm.. no? W-what did you say?"  
I don't know why I stuttered, but maybe it was because she was on top of me!

It was so confusing, she came here, crying, her clothes were dirty and she didn't really say anything. I showered her, a girl I barely know and then she screamed at me. But that didn't last long because in the other moment she threw herself on me. The she cuddled up to me like I was her girlfriend and now she's sitting on top of me like we were making out. I really didn't get it.

"I asked you what you were thinking about. Your heartbeat started to raise." (so obviously?)

She looked at me with an expectant expression. What am I supposed to say?

"Coming-out" I blurted out (yeah, now my brain was gone).

I took my hands to cover my face, that was so embarrassing. I could have said anything, like unicorns or rainbows (rainbows would have been true at least) but no, I have to be the truth in person.

She took my hands from my face in her own hands. I looked straight at her, but she didn't make eye contact. I don't know why, cause this is an intimate moment and normally that's when Santana makes eye contact.

Well, the 2 times she made eye contact with me were when it got intimate. She checked the clock as well, and then looked back to me with her eyebrows furrowed.

"It's like 3AM and your heart starts to beat like crazy because of you thinking about coming out?" (okay now it sounded stupid.)

She gave me a little smile, it's barely there, and since the only light in my room (at 3 AM) was the moonlight it was even harder to notice it but still it was there.

"I don't know, what have you been thinking about?" (stupid, she was sleeping.)

"Honestly? You." (Okay, maybe she wasn't)

"I thought you were sleeping. Did I wake you?"

I think I sounded a bit unsure, because still this situation isn't really easy. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen is sitting on top of me and I don't even know why. But as confusing as the situation was for me, it seemed like it didn't affect her at all.

"Britt, what's going on?" (really? She figured out that I started to panic but wasn't smart enough to get it now?)

"Uhm, well. I don't know.." (better than the truth, but still stupid)

After I said that she lay down. Not on the bed, of course she lay down on me. Like, her head was on my chest and her hands were on my hips. She lay on me with her whole body and didn't say anything until I started to laugh. It has been so unreal, I didn't believe that this was reality.

"What's going on Britt?", she asked me again with a calm voice.

It was more a whisper but not a bad one. One of the whispers that make you feel good. But this time it didn't work, it only confused me even more.

And so confused as I was I didn't know anything else to answer: "Well, I don't know.. Maybe I should ask you. I mean, what is this? Why are you here? And Why are you laying on top of me, like I was your girlfriend?" (After I said it, I was looking for something like a gun or a knife, just to kill me. So stupid.)

Of course she would stand up now and would want to go home. At least that's what I thought she would do. But she only moved her head, so she was facing me. I was scared, scared that she would scream or get away from me, cause, as confusing as it was, I still liked being this close to her.

"I can't tell you why I came here, not yet. But.. I like being close to you."

I don't know why (because I'm stupid) but in this moment I thought that maybe she was feeling something. Something bigger than friendship. We only knew each other for a week, but still I felt like I was knowing her for as long as I knew Quinn and Tina. And as honestly as I was in this moment I totally had to tell her that (my brain was still gone)

"Uh, do you feel something for me?"

And now she really got up. I couldn't see how she managed to get up this fast, but she did. Now she was standing next to my bed and gave me (again) a look like I've tried to rape her.

"What the …? NO! Of course not! Man, I'm not like you, I'm not gay! I mean, I'm okay with you being a lesbian, but I am not okay?"

I don't know why (because I'm an idiot) but I felt hurt. She didn't say anything against my sexuality, but the way she made (pretty) clear that she isn't gay has hurt me.

"Okay."

I wasn't able to speak in a whole sentence but not enough with that, also I haven't been able to not whisper. Santana, who was fully dressed with some of my clothes now, rushed out of the room without saying anything.  
I didn't want that.  
I didn't want her to leave. So I ran after her, when I came downstairs she stood in the middle of the hallway and searched something.

When she recognized me, she just looked at me and tears were rushing down her face.  
I didn't know where they came from and I didn't know what to do.  
But I totally got what she was searching.

Shoes.

It wasn't until now, that I realized Santana wasn't wearing shoes when she came here yesterday.  
Santana still looked and me and she still cried.

"Maybe you want a hug?"

I couldn't think of anything else in that moment. I only wanted to hug her, and to tell her that everything is going to be alright.  
She didn't say anything but came over to me and threw her arms around my neck. I took my arms around her waist and tightened the grip I had.  
She did the same and also, she started to cry harder again.

We stood there hugging for like 30 minutes (I could see the clock from where I was). When she calmed down a bit I tried to talk to her.

"San, it's like 5AM, maybe we should get ready for school? You know, we have to be there at 7:30AM because of mrs Sylvester, she won't give us a chance if we're late for our first trial workout."

I loosened the grip I had on her, but only to face her.  
When she nodded I wanted to go back upstairs for getting ready. She took my hand and came with me.  
I didn't know what to do. I mean, she yelled at me that she isn't gay and stuff, but now there she goes again?  
Why did she do that? It wasn't dark at all, since it's already 5AM and so that was definitely not the reason.

Honestly? I didn't know what to think, and I also didn't know what to say. So I kept calm and walked into my room. She sat down on my bed, since she was already clothed. I thought about changing here, in front of her, so she could see me.

(What?) Otherwise, that would be obviously as hell and she would think that I wanted to impress her with my body.  
So I went in the bathroom for changing. When I was done, and came out she immediately stared at me. She didn't make eye contact with me, but she stared.

"What is this staring about?" Sure, I had to ask her. (Brain was still gone.)

I didn't really expect her to react but for my surprise she did: "Well, you look beautiful." (oh yeah, sounds totally straight.)

My cheeks began to burn and I know in that moment I must have looked like a tomato. Why does something like that, from a person like her (stranger) have such a huge affect on me? Quinn and Tina always tell me how beautiful I am (well, only because they want me to say the same about them, but whatever) and it never has any affect on me. They're my best friends for nine years now. I know Santana for a week. I got more touchy with a person I barely know than with my best friends. What is that?

"Your hear me?",Santana asked. You know, from time to time I believe that I totally think too much about the things she says. "Uhm, yeah. Thanks, so do you." (inspiring) I sat down next to her and faced her, I wanted to force her to make eye contact but it didn't work (surprise). "Santana, please tell me, why'd you came here?" Her expression changed immediately from I'm-okay to I'm-dying. And again, tears were rushing down her face and her breath got really really fast. I took my arms around her, and hugged her again. I hugged her as tightly as possible. She hugged me back while her head was (again) resting on my chest. I wanted to give her the feeling that I'm here, that she doesn't have to be afraid of something cause I'm there. I stroke her back and rocked us forth and back, just to calm her down. To my surprise it worked, her breath went kind of normal again.

I loosened the grip I (again) had around her and looked at her. She locked eyes with me (3rd time) and began to talk: "I, I came here because.. I.. you really have to keep it okay?" (honestly?)

"Not like you had nothing against me." I meant it, if she tells someone that I'm gay, I will die.

I let go of her. I just looked at her.

She just nodded and continued talking: "In the 8th grade some kids of my school kind of threatened me. At first I was only my money but then..."  
She lost it, again she began to break, but I wouldn't hug her this time. I only wanted her to continue. I took her hands and stroked them with my thumbs, while holding them. She watched me doing this for about 30 seconds but then looked at me. I kind of gave her a look that told her to continue and so she did: "They... they kind-"

"Hey girls, good morning! Britty, you didn't tell me you've had a guest tonight? I thought you were asleep so I just wanted to wake you up. Don't want to be late for school hm?" (FUCK OFF!) Santana took her hands away and gave my mom a (fake)smile. I stared at Santana for quiet a while, but she didn't look at me. Her eyes told me that she was afraid, and that was so obviously that she didn't have to look at me but still I recognized it.

"Hey, I'm Santana." She was sweet, she stood up and gave my mom her hand.

I looked at the clock and saw it was time to go to school (time goes by so fast). Okay, perhaps we could have stayed for 30minutes but I didn't want to spend them with my mom. Whenever a friend of mine is at our house, and she's there too, my baby stories are happen again. All of them. And I don't know yet what Santana would think of something like that.

"Yeah, she came over yesterday. You and dad were already gone and the film had started too, I didn't want to bother you."

"Oh, okay girl, you're right. So, get ready for school ladies and have a nice day."

Honestly, why did that had to happen? Who knows if she'll ever tell me again? Man, this girl is killing me.

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That was the 2nd chapter. I can promise you that the 3rd is coming soon, cause I'm on fire with this fic! A review would be nice. :) Hope you liked it and thanks for reading.


	3. Bullies

Here's the 3rd chapter. :) Thanks for the nice reviews I got, makes me feel like I'm at least not only writing for my own. ;)

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Well, I would have been happy if she had spoke to me about anything. Because when we've arrived at school for the workout the last time she spoke to me was when my mum interrupted us. I wish she would've said something. Anything.

The way to school was not that embarrassing at all, cause we sat in the bus most of the time.

So I just took my iPod and listened to some music.

I really don't know what she did. I mean, yeah she sat next to me, but still I have no idea what she did.

I really had to relax. The practice was going to be hard enough and I wanted to join the cheerios so badly, that I didn't get to think about what happened earlier anyway. And so it came, that I didn't even tried to talk to her about anything.  
But when we got out of the bus and I wanted to go straight to the gym she spoke: "Uhm, honestly I have to go to my locker first. We could meet in the gym?"

She was nervous when she said that. I could see that because she did something strange with the end of my shirt, which she wore. And that was the moment I recognized that she wore my clothes.

She didn't really look like Santana cause her style is way more sexy than mine.

A blue v-neck shirt and Capri colored shorts.

Now she was a (extremely) beautiful dark haired latina with my clothes.  
I didn't know what it was with this fiddling she did, but it seemed like she needed something to do with her hands.

Well, it was 7:15AM I thought she was nervous because of the practice (stupid) and so I agreed with her.

"Okay girls, now go and show me what you can!" , Ms Sylvester is worse than I thought she would be.  
Gosh, she's really an awful women.

But as a unicorn it's my mission to change that. I will, but it's going to be (really) difficult.  
So, we had to jump and do figures and athletics for almost an our now, but Santana still wasn't here.

At first I didn't recognized it, because I had to do so many things, but when we got a five minute break I knew something wasn't right.  
I apologized and went searching her 20 minutes before practice would have ended. At first I tried to find her in the gym but she wasn't there.

I tried to call her too, but she didn't answer my calls. Really, I was afraid something had happened to her, Santana didn't tell me the whole thing about her old classmates, but I thought that it could have something to do with them.

That made my fear grow and all I wanted was to find her.

I got into the school and since it's only 8:15AM it was calm.  
Most of the kids here don't even make it in time to classes, so they were still in their beds, I guess.

After searching for quit a long time, I had to pee (thank god!).  
And when I got into a stall I heard someone crying. I could have slapped myself. Toilet? Everyone hides on the toilet, why didn't I search her in the toilet?

Well, it wasn't hard to know it was her since I totally knew how she sounds crying.  
I was happy I found Santana, but still there was some fear left because I didn't knew how she was.

I knocked at the door of her stall: "Santana? I know you're in there. Please come out."

Whatever happened to her, she was kind of bitchy again, just like the time when we had German. But this time was different, cause she cried. "Leave me alone!" (of course she would say something like that.)

"What? No! Come out and talk to me, please.", I tried to let my voice sound as soft as possible.

"Why would I do that? You didn't even care about me when I wasn't there for the practice!"

"Well, I thought the thing you had to do at your locker took a bit more time. I still care about you, man let me in or come out!"

"My face is so puffy, from all the fucking crying."

"I think I've seen you looking worse and honestly I really don't care what your face looks like, as long as I know that everything is okay with you." I really thought I did. Man, I've seen her with dirt all over her, so a puffy face is like nothing. And I believed that she would still look like the most beautiful girl ever.

I was right. With both, I've really seen her looking worse and she also was (fucking) beautiful.  
She opened the door and came a few steps closer to me, she looked down at the floor.

"Come here." I opened my arms to hug her. She nodded and came closer.

I hugged her and let my hands stroke her back. Santana still cried but she calmed down enough to speak. At least I thought she did so I spoke again: "I'm so deeply deeply sorry that my mum interrupted earlier. You know, I really want to know what they did to you, and I want to know what's going on right now okay?" I let go of her and tried to read her expression. It was hard to say what she would think of what I just said. She looked lost, empty, like someone destroyed her, or is still destroying her. Her mouth angles raised a bit.

She didn't say anything but took my hand and led the way outside the school to the school yard.

We went into a very hidden corner which I didn't know even exists but I got that this is maybe the right place to talk about something like that. Something intimate.

We sat down on a bench, Santana stared at the ground and started to talk:

"Well, like I've told you some kids from my old school are threatening me -"

I couldn't hold it: "They _ARE?_ I thought they _were_?" My voice came out a lot louder than it should, and I kind of thought that she would run. But she didn't she just looked at me with an expression like she just got the shock of her life. I let my hand rest on her inner thigh to signalize her to continue. So she did:

"Yes, they still are. And, it kind of got worse.. I mean.. Yesterday.. I..", there she was again, breaking with every word she said. I gave her thigh a squeeze and Santana looked at me with a sad expression, but began to talk again. "They told me they wanted to talk and let this fucking nightmare get an end... I'm so stupid, of course I believed that." Now tears were rushing down her face again. With my free hand I took a strand of hair, that was hanging in her face behind her ear.

I wanted her to tell me what happened, but not to cry: "San, you're not stupid, I would have believed that too (yes, because I'm stupid). What happened then?" She looked down again: "Then, they told me where I should come to meet them. It was near a lake, on a small cliff, I got there by bike. When I was there, I didn't see them.. Thought they weren't there yet. I wanted to wait and got off my bike. That.. That was when I heard laughter. I didn't realize where they were coming from. I panicked when I saw that they were coming straight to me, they came closer to me in a semicircle and said things like: "You deserve it.". I..I. I begged to them to let me go, but their laugher only grew. When I saw the car, which was opposite to me I took a few steps backwards but knew I couldn't run away because of the water. I screamed for help, but nobody could have heard me since this lake is in the middle of nowhere.. They came constantly closer and so did the car.

I.. I just.. I really hoped that they would let me and just wanted to apologize to me. But instead this happened. The car got faster and I didn't know what to do but jumping in the water. So I did. It was so hard to swim with all of my clothes. And I was so scared. When I got out of the water the others were gone. I didn't even know where. I wasn't able to walk at first, I fell down in the sand. But not enough with that, cause when I thought I was able again 2 of the bullies came out of nowhere and shoved me back in the sand they threw mud at me and laughed. I was so scared that they would hurt me again. But when they came closer to me, and I just.. I just.. thought they'd hit me now a dog barked. I was so thankful for that, because they ran away when they heard it. I tried to get up as fast a possible. I just wanted to get out of this forest. And the first place to go for me was yours.."

All her words, they sounded like she would have to go through everything again. Like she would die with every word she says. Santana cried uncontrollably and I took her as close to me as possible.. She hugged me back and cried into my chest. And then it happened. I kissed her hair. I just wanted to show her that I'm there.

But Santana must have thought that I wanted to make out with her. She jumped up, wiped her tears away and yelled at me: "I told you! I'm not gay! Which part of that is it that you don't understand? Man, I've just told you what happened to me, and you only want to use my situation?!" ( yes she totally thought I wanted to make out with her.) then it was quiet, for like 10 seconds before she said something, this time it was more like a whisper:

"Thought we had something.." And with that she ran away.

"Yes, but what do we have?", I talked to myself while feeling a single tear making its way down my face. I instantly wiped it away, why am I crying? I mean, that's how it works with Santana isn't it?

First she's crying and then she's yelling, but then she's cute again.

I thought about running after her but forgot it as fast as I saw what time it was. It was 8:45AM I've had 15 minutes until class.

Maths would be my first period. So I had to talk to her anyway. When I got into school everybody looked at me, first I didn't realize what it was, but that should change when Tina ran straight to me and gave me a bear hug: "You made it! Congratulations! Now You're a cheerio. But promise that won't change you okay?" I forgot to change into normal clothes again, I was still wearing my cheerio uniform. That wouldn't have been a problem if I was in the team, but wasn't in there yet.

"Oh shit, Tina no! That's why everybody looked at me.. I didn't make it, well.. I didn't have to. She's still testing us. Fuck, I have to change.. See you later yeah?"

She kind of looked stunned so I just went into the bathroom without waiting for an answer.

After changing into normal clothes again I went to my classroom. I was kind of nervous. Maybe Santana had another neighbour now. Maybe she doesn't want to sit next to me any more.

To my surprise the seat next to her was still free. It was the only seat free so even if I wanted to, there were no possibilities I could sit somewhere else. I sat down next to her and tried right away to sit as much right as possible.

I thought this was childish, not to talk to me, not to look at me, just because I kissed her hair?

It's not like her actions are giving me a straight impression of her at all. I mean, why did she come to me yesterday, and not to another friend of hers.

When the bullies are here, some of her old friends have to be here as well right?

Maybe she doesn't have friends.. But no, that's not possible, I mean, look at her. She looks awesome. Everybody would try to get a friendship with her.

Whatever, I just hoped that things would turn out the right way.

This class was so boring, and I didn't understand anything of it. Maybe that's the reason why it was so boring for me. Santana wrote the whole time, and got an answer for every question our teacher had. (the right answer, I mean.)

Maths is so illogically and boring for me, that I don't even know the name of our teacher.

When the bell rang, I was out faster than anyone else. I went straight to my locker and took the things for my next classes. They were indeed two classes I would have without Santana. When I was at my locker, and I saw that she was going to hers too, Quinn and Tina showed up again.(thank you.)

"Hey Brittany, want to hang out?", Quinn gave me a huge smile so I couldn't say no, even if I tried. She always knew how to make me say yes. But maybe distraction wouldn't be that bad right now at all.

"Yeah, sure." I smiled back and we went to the school yard again. We sat down on a small bench right in the middle of the yard. After we sat there for a while, talking about Oprah and Pretty Little Liars a tall boy with a college jacket looked at us and smiled. Who was that? He was really tall, and he looked nice. Not my type, since he was a guy, but still nice.

"That's Finn Hudson, he's in the football team he's quarterback or something like that.. He looks really nice.", I should have known that Quinn knew who he was.

"Yeah, he's hot, but not my type." I answered.

"Okay, Britt, say, is any guy your type? Cause always when Quinn and I are saying that someone's good, nice, hot or anything else, you always say that they're not your type." Tina sounded curious like she really cared about that. And with that I knew, that I totally had to tell them that I'm gay.

I don't like this kind of talk about guys, but I wouldn't talk about girls like that too. So it wasn't about sexuality but about shallowness.

"Yeah, I'm kind of choosy. Girls, I have to go. Let's make a sleepover on Saturday or something like that okay?" I just wanted to go. Because if I wouldn't go now I would totally tell them that I'm gay, but that's not right. The place, the atmosphere. The sleepover could have been the right time, maybe.  
"Uhm, yeah. Is Santana coming too?" What? Santana? Hold on, since when does Quinn know her?  
"Wait, you know Santana?" I was rally surprised. Cause she had nothing to do with her. Or maybe she had a class with her?

"Not really, but I have a girl in my English class that knows her. She's talking a lot. And she has a big nose.. I think her name was Rachel?" Who is Rachel? So there was definitely another opportunity for her to go to yesterday.

"Okay. I don't know. But I don't think so. I could ask her if you wanted to.. I have to go now. See ya." I really didn't want to ask Santana if she wanted to join us.

When I went to my locker there she was, standing at her locker, she looked as awesome as always, even in my totally lame clothes.

She wasn't alone, she was hanging out with a blonde boy with green eyes, a big mouth and a nice body but there was also a girl with brown hair and a big nose.

Okay, that must have been this Rachel girl. I wanted to go to Santana and ask her if we could talk.

So I did.

With every step I got closer to the group I got more nervous. I tapped Santana on the shoulder and she turned around. The girl with the big nose didn't even try to stop talking, but that was okay with me since it's non of her business what I wanted from Santana.

"What?" Yeah, Santana definitely was kind of angry. Why? I didn't do anything. Oh well, I kissed her hair, but she kissed me forehead once! That isn't gay at all. But a kiss on her hair is still less gay than that.

"Can we talk? Please." She looked at me with an expression she never gave me before. Yes, she acted like a bitch before, but she never looked like one. Except from now. Even her eyes looked darker than normal, how I've recognized that? She made eye contact with me. It didn't feel awesome this time. I just wanted it to end. So I looked away. She just smiled, but not a good one. One of this 'forget-it'-smiles. I hated those, I always got them from the people who called me stupid. I knew what this smiles meant, but I think she felt like she had to say it.

"There's nothing we could talk about, and now go.", she said while waving with her hand like I was a bee or any other insect. I felt that my eyes were tearing up, but I didn't want to show her. So I turned around and walked into my next room. The tears fell on my folder but I really didn't care about that right now. I just wanted to go.

Why was it like that? I didn't do anything, I did everything for her. I showered a girl I barely know! I listened to her problems. I let her cuddle with me when she cried. I hugged her about a thousand times. And now she treated me like shit? Fuck this, I can't need someone like her. Never mind, it'll be easy to find someone like her. Well, I thought that I don't really want to find someone like her.

With that character..

Before I went to the classroom I stopped at the toilet, I had to clean my face from all this tears. My eyes were red too, gosh, she really had me. The two classes went by fast. I didn't feel like I really went there. I just sat on my place next to a random person and thought about the thing with Santana. But that only included the first lesson.

In the other class I thought about coming out to Quinn and Tina. And after thinking a lot, I felt like the first to know (after fucking bitchy Santana) should be my parents.

I went straight home after school without saying goodbye to my locker. Not only because of her, but also because of the bus. I really had to catch the early one. So I could think a bit about how to tell mum and dad that their only daughter is gay before they're home.

It was 3:30PM and my parents should have already been there when I got a text message from my mum:_ Hey little girl, we're at your grandmas house, we're coming home tomorrow. Dad left you 20 bucks on the table in the living room. Love you._

Nice. I wanted to tell my parents that I'm gay, and now they're at my grandmas house who doesn't like gays. Okay, understatement. She hates gays. I don't know why, and I think she won't be against it if she knew I was gay too, but still that didn't help in this moment.

I spend like 2 hours with Tubbs. Just discussing if he should smoke or not. The discussion was finished when he ran out of the house. That's his way to handle problems. Running away. I wish I could do the same, but since I'm a human people would think that I'm crazy if I ran away when they start to discuss with me, because I hate discussions.

I wanted to go get my laptop to ask Quinn and Tina if they wanted to come over when my phone buzzed again. I thought it was another message from my mum, but to my surprise it wasn't it was from Bitch. Well, from Santana.

**Santana 5:27PM:** _Where are you?_ Why did she want to know this?

**Brittany 5:29PM:** _Home._

**Santana 5:31PM:**_ Waiting for you for almost 30 minutes!_ What? Why was she waiting?

**Brittany 5:38PM:** _Why?_

**Santana 5:40PM:** _Today is Friday, thought I should teach you Spanish?_ Oh, right. Totally forgot about that..

**Brittany 5:47PM:** _No thanks, I'm not in the mood._

**Santana 5:49PM:** _Come on Britt, don't be mad at me. I didn't do anything wrong! _ Enough, I didn't see a reason to answer her at this point.

**Santana 5:55PM:** _Britt, please._ Nope, I wasn't answering her, and it wasn't hard at all.

**Santana 6:00PM:** _Fine, if that is what you want._ Yeah, now she was acting bitchy again.

She didn't write anything else, and I didn't answer her too. So I thought about calling Quinn but instead watched Pretty Little Liars again. I wasn't able to watch it Tuesday so my dad recorded the episode as always. I just don't want us to hang out again until I'm ready to tell them that I'm gay. Or at least, until it was Saturday.

It was really exciting, the Liars were just about to open the trunk of the car. This scene was so spooky. Our house was kind of dark because all of our curtains were closed and it was really silent. I was so into she series that I felt like I got a heart attack as someone knocked at my door.

* * *

Thanks for reading. :)  
Hope you enjoyed it, and fourth is coming soon, I promise. :)  
As always maybe you could leave a little review, thank you. 3


	4. Lesbian

First, thanks for the nice reviews I got, you guys are awesome!  
Here is another chapter.

Next one will involve fluff. ;)

* * *

"Mum? Are you already back? Thought you would come back home tomorrow.", I said while opening the door without even looking who knocked. I didn't expect anyone so it was only logic (mistake) that my parents would come back earlier. I've almost been back in the living room when I heard someone's voice.

"Uhm, sorry. But it's just me?", a familiar voice said. Well, the voice has been familiar but not as familiar as the one from my dad or from my mum.

So I turned around to see whose voice it was. My jaw dropped and I made my way back to the door where she stood. What was she doing here? There was a reason I didn't answer her messages. Why would she show up like that? Man, she's really killing me. She still wore my clothes. And her hair looked like a mess, like she had to walk very fast to come here. Still she looked so beautiful. But I was angry. Santana can't treat me like that. I had a hard time to stay strong to not give up and invite her for some hot chocolate.

"What do you want? I'm not in the mood for Spanish.", it sounded kind of pissed. But that was okay, because I've really been pissed. I'm not her victim. She couldn't treat me the way she did, that's all that was in my head. This sentence repeated for about a million times.

"I didn't came here for teaching you. I -" "So what? Did you come for apologizing? I don't think that this is necessary cause I have enough! Or how you would say it: There is nothing we could talk about!" I took a step closer to her, so we were only inches apart from each other. I looked her in the eyes.

We made eye contact. The expression her face gave showed me that I must have looked as pissed as I was. I was so (fucking) pissed, yes, I might fall for her.

But that doesn't mean that she can do with me whatever she wants.

This just reminded me again of the time when people told me how stupid I would be. You know?

How stupid would it be to just let her play with me? Really stupid.

"I.. I don't know what you mean?" she whispered while taking my hand. I shook it away and began to laugh. "Why are you laughing?", she said.

She sounded broken, but I wasn't really interested in that. Again, she wanted to touch me, and again 2 hours later she would tell me that she isn't gay in a not so nice way when we're all cuddled up in my bed or something like that.

"Get off of me! You see? You tell me you're not gay but then you do something like that? I didn't mean to make out with you or rape you! I didn't mean to kiss you or anything else.." I kind of screamed. I totally forgot where we were. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to go trough this and if others wanted to listen too they could.

"Britt-" "No! Don't you dare to say something. I think you just don't understand me.. You made pretty clear that you aren't gay. That hurt me, the way you said it. Then there you go again, touching me, cuddling up to me. Laying on top of me! I didn't do that, no. You put yourself on top of me. I didn't force you to do it. You know, for me that's not exactly what someone who is straight would do. Then, there is a thing called gratitude, I've been there for you! I don't even know you that good. But still I care about you! I showered you, I hugged you, I comforted you but you would never ever appreciate that. No, instead you scream at me just because I kissed your hair? Or because I asked you if you have feelings for me? Santana, I know you for about a week now. To be honest, I don't know if a friendship with you is such a good idea." I felt some tears rushing down my face.

Santana looked surprised but also sad, fragile and broken again and this time I won't hug her.

I was surprised too, never thought I could be that mean. I mean, sure I was angry and mad at her but still I really liked her.

I stopped making eye contact and looked down at the floor. She placed her hand on my cheek, made me look at her again and said (or cried.. something between it): "I never meant to hurt you Brittany, I'm so so sorry."

Then she took her hand away and turned around. I stood there not believing what had just happened and watched her leave. It couldn't get any worse, could it? (of course.) The car from my parents showed up just a minute after I couldn't see Santana anymore. I was still standing at the door. I just wiped my tears away and tried to smile but it was difficult and now I got nervous too.

This was it, I had to do it, I had to come out to them. And if not now when then? Never.

I tried to forget about Santana and to concentrate on my coming-out. I just had to do it.

I'm tired of keeping it. Tired of hiding something like that.

I greeted my mum and like mum's always do, she totally recognized that something was going on.

"Everything okay Love?" she said. She really sounded like she'd care.

Well, she did because I'm her daughter but that was mysterious because I never believed that someone really cared when they asked that kind of question.

I waited until my father stepped into the house as well. He closed the door behind him and I knew, I had to open another door.

"Mum, I have to tell you something okay?", I thought my voice would crack, but to my surprise I made it.

We stood in the hallway and I just had to say it. I got nervous and my hands were wet. There was so much pressure, I just needed to get it away.

They're my parents, they have the right to know what's going on in their daughter's life.

My mum nodded and gave me a smile. When my father came towards us and let his hand rest on my mum's waist I had to smile too. They love each other since more than 25years. That is so awesome. Always when I saw them like that it gave me the strength that I needed for my life.

Sometimes I watched their wedding-photos and just realized that this is, what love looks like. Real love, that lasts. Now, 21 years later, they still look like that. I mean, sure they got older but their eyes when they look at each other. It's like you can feel the love.

And I totally wanted the same, someone who loves me, no matter how old I am. Well, for me it had to be a women, but that's no different. I mean, love is love.

I was so in my thoughts that I completely forget to talk until my mom stroke my arm.

They looked at me like they were expecting something, and that reminded me of what I wanted to say.

"Please, don't be disappointed and don't hate me.. At least I'm your daughter!", I felt new tears on my cheeks when my mum came closer and hugged me.

"Love, what's going on? We'll always love you, you know that!", she kissed me forehead and took a few steps back to stay next to my dad again.

"I'm gay..", she looked at me like I'm crazy. I knew they wouldn't take it that easy but why do they look at me like that?

"Please say something..", I couldn't stop crying until they began to smile and I didn't even know why.

"Oh Love, that's okay! Why have you been worrying so much about it?" My father came and hugged me tightly. I loved his hugs. They had always this protecting affect on me. I felt better as soon as he hugged me.

Always when something happened and I was sad he hugged me and everything seemed less bad.

Just like this time. Why did I doubt them? I knew that they love me and I knew that this wouldn't change. No matter how gay I am.

"I don't know.. I just thought.. because granny-" "Oh come on, granny was born in another time. But, I bet she's going to be okay with it too. She just doesn't know any lesbian.", my mother cut me off.

"We love you baby, no matter what.", my father added. "And if anyone is ever going to make fun of you because of this I'm going to kick the shit out of them okay?"

I just nodded and smiled at how protective he was. I love them.

I didn't think they would take it that good. I mean, I just told them that I love girls. But honestly I think that's the way it should be. No, that's wrong.. Nobody should care about our sexuality as long as we're all human. Why does something like sexuality even exist?

We should be okay with whoever we are. We should be proud of whoever we are.

But as good as my parents took it, I knew there would be people who won't take it that good.

"Mum? Why are you even here?", I asked curiously, because.. well they should have been gone until tomorrow.

"Your father forgot to pack his bag so he didn't have any clothes to change in..", she said.

"Okay, I would love to have a sleepover with Quinn and Tina tomorrow, is that possible?", I asked while giving her my nicest smile.

"Uhm.. are you.."(yeah, I should have seen that this was coming) "NO! Hell, they're only my friends!" (as much as I love them, no way I would date any of them)

"Alright, I was just asking. Do they know?", mum asked with an understanding look.

"Uhm, no, not yet. But I plan on telling them tomorrow. ", I said while walking to my room. It wasn't until my phone rang that I recognized the time. It was already 12PM, I wanted to answer the call and then go get some sleep. And since I'm Brittany (stupid) I didn't even look who called.

"You're talking to Brittany Susan Pierce."

"Britt, how often do I have to tell you a "yes" would be enough for me?", I threw myself on my bed while listening to Quinn's voice.

"Anyway, have you asked your parents about tomorrow?", I smiled at the thought of having the girls around me. As bitchy as they were, they always supported me and I could trust them with my life.  
"Yes, tomorrow we'll have a sleepover. Will Tina come too?", guess my voice sounded a bit too exited.  
"No, sorry tomorrow you'll only have me.", she laughed. Okay, maybe tomorrow wasn't the right time to tell her, since I wanted to tell them both at the same time. Tina shouldn't think that I don't like or trust her as much as I like and trust Quinn.  
"Oh, no that's okay Quinnie.", I totally knew how much she hates it when I call her that.

"Britt, stop calling me that! You want to know what happened today?" (sure I wanted to know) I knew that I didn't have to give her an answer, she would tell me anyway.

"Finn Hudson, asked me out!", she was very excited. So I thought maybe she had feelings or something like that. You know how (stupid) I am, so I had to ask her: "Do you love him?"

"What? Britt, no! But he's hot. And when I'm going to be with him, I'll become more popular!"

I was disappointed how she could say something like that. She would only use him. I knew how that feels, in another way of course, but still I knew. I mean, Santana as using me, wasn't she?

"Quinn, that's mean. I have to hung up. You can come over here tomorrow (better today) at 3PM."  
"Okay.."

"Bye."

The next day has been extremely boring until 30minutes before Quinn came. My phone buzzed and first it would be Quinn who wanted to cancel the sleepover but I realized very fast that it wasn't her.

I didn't knew who he was until I saw his profile picture (thanks to Facebook). It was the blonde guy with this big mouth. I remembered him because he talked to Santana yesterday when I tried to get things clear.

His name was Sam.

**Sam**:_ Hey!_ Well, what did he want? How did he even find me?

**Brittany:** _Uhm, hey?_ Wait, does he know that I saw him today?

**Sam:** _I saw you today when you tried to talk to Santana.._ Great, he already knows how stupid I am.

**Brittany:** _Oh great_.

**Sam:** _You're style is nice._ My style? How can he say something about my style? What is it with him and Santana?

**Brittany:** _Uhm, thanks?_

**Sam:** _Oh, you're thinking I'm a creep right?_ Yes, but okay..

**Brittan**y:_ No.._

**Sam:**_ Sure you do. But Santana told us that the clothes she was wearing yesterday were yours. And I liked them, I wouldn't wear them. But they were pretty cool._ Aww, such a nice guy. Hold on, Santana told them about me? Why would she do that?

**Brittany:**_ Thanks. Did she say anything else about me?_

**Sam:** _Just that the two of you have most classes together and that you're sitting next to each other._

**Brittany:**_ Ah yeah, that's right._ Well, it was.. guess I'm not sitting next to her anymore.

**Sam:** _Well, you know.. what are your plans for this evening? Wanna hang out?_ Wait, did he just asked me out?

**Brittany:** _I would love to. But honestly my best friend is coming in like 15minutes, we're having a sleepover. Maybe next time._

**Sam:** _Won't give up Brittany._ I like him. He's nice, and he didn't scream at me.

**Brittany:** _Okay, I have to go now. See you._

I put my phone on the counter of our kitchen and prepared some snacks for when Quinn has arrived. At least I was finished right when the doorbell rang and she arrived.

It wasn't that special, that she was here. But Quinn has been one of the people who never called me stupid and as bitchy as she was, she always made me feel better when I didn't feel good.

I was scared that I could lose her because of something stupid like (me) my sexuality. She was like my sister, we've been raised up together. To me she was another person. She never made me feel her bitchy side. She was never mean to me. And we always cared about each other. She stood up for me when people were mean or said that I was stupid.

I really had to tell her, but that would have only worked when Tina was here too. But she wasn't, so I had to wait until Monday or something like that.

Quinn and I watched Pretty Little Liars and did some girl stuff. I could stop her from talking about boys with some stories about Tubbs. I really didn't want to talk about this Finn guy, but the more I thought about it, the more I was wondering if Quinn would know Sam.

"Quinn?", I asked from my seat, which was right next to her.

"Hmm?" she didn't even take her eyes away from the TV, but I didn't care. She would listen anyway. No matter how absent she was.

"Do you know this Sam guy?"

"Uhm, is he blonde?"

"Yes.. he has a big mouth and -"

"Oh yes! Well, no not really. I just know that he's friends with this Rachel girl. Why are you asking?", now she looked at me. She must have been very interested. And I could totally tell why. Of course she thought that I would want something but the last thing I wanted was a guy.

"He, uhm... He kinda asked me out.", okay guess I was overreacting and he just wanted to hang out like friends..

"Really?", Quinn squeezed and jumped up while clapping her hands together like she won 1 million dollars or something like that.

"Quinn! Calm down!", maybe it wasn't such a good idea telling her that.

"No! Do you think that it could be the right?", she didn't come down, instead she just got more excited.

"Uhm, no? I don't know him yet.. (and he's a boy, so no.)." I didn't want to talk about this anymore. It made me sad that she was so happy about the fact, that a boy wanted to know me. What if she wasn't so supportive about me being gay?

Really I just needed to tell her I'm gay, and I wanted to tell her so badly. But I couldn't not when Tina wasn't here.

"Britt I-", I know she didn't mean to be like that. She didn't even know why it made me sad.

"No, it's okay.. Let's just watch this okay?"

We finished the season and and got to sleep.

We didn't sleep in one bed, she was sleeping on a mattress next to my bed. It was a strange feeling.

Last time someone slept here I was surrounded by a warm embrace and now? I wouldn't know that someone is here if she wouldn't breathe. I lost my thoughts somewhere between unicorns, cats and Santana when I finally fell asleep.

Quinn had to leave early the next day, but that's okay. Not like I wasn't used to this. She's always the first who leaves sleepovers. Her parents don't like it when she comes home late.

I said goodbye to her and got back into the living room.

"So love, what were you two doing yesterday?" my mum asked while handing me over a plate with some pancakes. Quinn didn't even ate breakfast with us.

"We were watching Pretty Little Liars. But you should know that since we were in the living room?", how could she miss the fact, that the living room was used for almost 4 hours?

"Well, we went to Quinn after she arrived. You know?", right.. I forgot how close our parents were. Just as close as Quinn and me. So it wasn't a surprise.

"Ah, nice. Okay. Got to do some homework, I'll be in my room."

At least I didn't really have to do some homework, but I needed some time for myself. I wanted to dance.

So I did. Everybody has something that makes him passionate. For me it's dancing. Maybe because it's something I can do without being called stupid. It just makes me feel free. Like I can do anything. It makes me feel like I'm strong and unstoppable. I just really love it.

When I'm dancing I forget about everything. It's just me, my body and the music.

So it happens that my mum had to tell me to go to bed more than once a week.

"Love! It's already 11PM! Have you danced all the time?", I got a little shock when the music stopped and my mum stepped into my room.

"What? No, I've done some homework too." I really did, and since it was maths it took way more time than I thought it would be.

"Hm, fine. Just go to sleep. And Britt?"

"Yeah mum?"  
"Maybe your new friend could come for a sleepover next week? What was her name.. Sunny, Samara.."

Oh please, these names don't even sound like Santana.

"Mum, it's Santana.."

"Fine.. So?", she sounded almost as excited as Quinn did when I told her about Sam.

"Uhm, I don't know.. she's busy and stuff.."

No! She's not going to come. I won't ask her either. Who knows if she'll ever talk to me again?

"Okay, just asking. Good night Love.", she said. She kissed me forehead and then she was gone.

I really head to sleep. As much as I love dancing, it's really exhausting.

The next day could only get better than this one (yes, I'm stupid and optimistic)

Well, at least that's what I thought.

When I woke up and got to school everything was okay. Nothing bad or anything else.

I got a bit nervous when I got to my locker. It only got worse when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned myself around to see who it was. I prepared mentally for talking to Santana.

I didn't need to. The person who stood in front of me wasn't her. It was Sam. (great)

"Hey. How are you?", he cared. He really cared. I could see it in his eyes. I don't know if I looked like a wreck but he really cared. He's a nice guy.

"Uhm, hey. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?", I asked. I didn't really care at all, since Santana showed up behind him. I knew I would have to face her at class but now? No thanks.

She gave me a strange look. Like I was doing something wrong.

Well, maybe I was. But just because I talk to a guy, doesn't mean that I have to be with him.

That would be wrong.

I didn't realize that he finished talking until Santana turned herself around and went to class.

"Ah, yeah okay.. (I totally didn't know what he said.) Look, I really have to go now, but we can talk later yeah? Was nice to meet you.", I got away faster than expected. I didn't even hear what he said. But I didn't care either.

On my way to the classroom I met Tina and Quinn.

"Hey girls, how are you?", I asked happily when they came closer to me.

They didn't say anything. They didn't stop walking. They didn't turn around. They didn't greet me. They didn't gave me the usual smile. They didn't gave me a wink.

They just ignored me.

I stopped walking and looked after them. I couldn't believe they did that? What was going on? They never did something like that before. And they always had time to talk to me.

"Okay, that was creepy.", I heard a voice next to me. I didn't have to look at her to know that it was Santana.

"Whatever..", I lied.

We went to the classroom without saying anything. My thoughts were all about the girls and why did they avoid me?

Santana didn't say anything either, so it was silent. When we got to the room I sat down first. Just to make sure that I didn't force her to sit next to me.

Yes, I was angry because of the way she treated me and yes I said that I don't know if our friendship would be that good but still I liked her. I didn't mean to say something like that. I was just so angry that I had to let go of it.

"Can we talk? The teacher won't come. I saw him with the history teacher. Just wanky." she asked while looking at me.

"Fine." I answered straight. I didn't mean to be unfair to her or to treat her like shit but I won't forget that so easy too.

"Okay first, I'm so deeply deeply deeply sorry that I hurt you. I know it must be hard for you.. to.. you know.. not have anyone to know, but Quinn Tina and me. I guess I kind of lost my thoughts. You were right. You cared about me, and you did everything to make me feel more comfortable. And I'm sorry if I didn't give you the feeling that I appreciated it. Because I really did and still do. You know, it's a long time ago that someone did things like that for me. I'm sorry I screwed things up.", her voice sounded so soft. I knew she was honestly with me right although she didn't make eye contact. She was just herself. That let me believe her words. But I knew, I had to do some apologizing too: "Quinn and Tina don't even know it. San, I'm sorry too. I didn't want to be that mean to you. And about our friendship, I think it would be nice if we gave it another try."

She smiled and we hugged each other. It was a small hug, and there weren't much feelings. But still it made my stomach tingle. That wasn't what I needed right now. She is straight. Isn't she?

Okay, don't mind. I had other problems.

"So, what is it with you and Quinn?", she knew Quinn?

"Hm? You know Quinn?"

"Not really, but a friend of mine Rachel knows her.."

Rachel, the girl with the big nose. Yep, I knew who she was.

"I don't know. They ignored me today. They didn't say anything."  
"You know what? They don't have class either, they would have had history right now..."

"Great, you know where they are?", I hoped I could make things clear.

"Yup, Rachel texted me, so let's go!" And with that we got out of our classroom. When we were like 15 feet away from their room, Quinn and Tina stepped out of it.  
"Quinn! Tina!", I shouted. They looked at me and came closer.

When I just thought they would stop to talk to me Quinn spoke up:

"Oh, is she also a lesbian? Is she your girlfriend? Have fun."

And then they were gone.

I broke, I wasn't able to stay anymore. How did they know?

Santana caught me before I fell on the ground. She hugged me tightly. I didn't move. I just stayed.

"I'm so sorry Britt.", she said.

* * *

Okay, that's it. I'm sorry if the whole coming out thing doesn't seem real, but I didn't had one (yet) and I guess that's just what I wanted the reaction of the parents to be for everyone..

Who told Quinn and Tina about Brittany being gay?

Thanks for reading and for the nice reviews I got, maybe you could leave another one. ;)


	5. She's straight

I'm so deeply sorry that it took me that long to update this time. I tried to write a lot but school began again on Monday and I had to do a lot of stuff. Also it might take me that long more often from now on because the teachers want to keep me longer than necessary but hey I'll get over it.

And I know you won't care but on Monday I'll get my braces off! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY AFTER 3 YEARS AND A LOT OF CLOSED MOUTH PHOTOS. ;)

Thank you so so much for the reviews I already got and I hope you'll like this chapter.

* * *

"You can't stay in there forever.", I heard how Santana leaned against the door of the stall.

Right after she caught me we went to the toilet. And the looks were worse than I thought they would be.

I just couldn't understand it. How could they know? I didn't tell them. I wanted to, but I didn't.

"I kn-knew I should ha-have told them.", I opened the door and after Santana almost lost her balance she stood in front of me.

"Hm. You have to tell them that I'm not a lesbian!", okay, hold on. Was she really saying that?

"Excuse me?", I didn't stutter, that was a good thing, at least there was something I managed to do in that moment.

"I'm going to be here for you, but you need to make things clear.", yeah, that really sounded like Santana.

"Okay, my best friends just kinda outed me, and all you can think about is that people might think you're a lesbian too? Does it really always have to be about you?", I didn't sound angry. Well, I was angry but I couldn't manage to sound like that right now.

She came a step closer. I immediately took a few steps back, she was dangerous when she was that close to me. I couldn't resist her when she looked at me or made eye contact. I didn't lost this game yet but I knew I would. My action surprised her, I could say that because of her face. Her eyes widened and she had to open and close her mouth a few times before she actually said something.

"Uhm, yeah.. But it's not only about that. Do you really think they're angry because you're a lesbian or because you might have a girlfriend and didn't tell them?"

"What the...? I don't know but I don't really care either! I just want to know how they got to know about it. I mean, I didn't tell anyone.", I really don't know why it took me so long to think about it. Now it made sense. I only told Santana. Santana was the one to know. And when I remember our talk, when she said that it must be hard for me when there are only Quinn, Tina and her to know, it only made more sense. I must have stared at her like a creep.

"What?", her voice sounded kind of cracked. Why would she sound like that if she didn't do anything?

"You.", now it was me who took a step closer.

"What do you mean?", she furrowed her brows.

"You..you were the only one to know.-"

"Britt! Don't even think about that!", she kind of shouted. I shouldn't have trusted her.

"Why? Why did you tell them? What's your fucking reason for ruining my life at this fucking High School?", new tears were on my cheeks. I felt them and immediately wiped them away, now wasn't the time for crying she wasn't the one to see how weak I was.

"I didn't do anything! I would never do that!", Santana sounded like I would have ruined her life it's the completely opposite. This was the worst way to come out ever.

"Shut up! I hope it was worth it. You outed me, after all the things I did for you? You know what? I knew you wouldn't be the kindest girl but at least I thought I could trust you! Why did you force me to clear things with them if you already knew what was going on? Argh, forget it. I don't want to hear your reasons. Thanks, and don't even think about sitting next to me ever again.", I took my bag and stormed out of the toilet before she could have said anything else.

I didn't spent attention on where I was going, I just avoided to look at other the people, I could feel their judging looks anyway but that only brought me another embarrassing moment.

Someone ran into me, or better I ran into someone.  
"Fuck it, get out of m-" I was about to scream anything bad I know when I saw a big smile and immediately knew who it belonged to.

"Well, you ran into me.. so.." Sam, honestly? Right now? Did this really have to happen? His smile faded and he looked stunned, but that wasn't really a surprise to me, when I think about the words I just said or wanted to say.

"I'm sorry." I looked at him and that was the first time since I've been out of the toilet, that my eyes weren't forced to look at the ground. I must have looked like a freaking wreck. Yeah, maybe I was a freaking wreck, I just wanted to hug my dad. Everything would get better than.

"What happened?" again, this sweet guy cared about me. No way that we could become more than friends but that would have been enough for me.

It was then that I saw Santana running in out direction.

"Can you take me home? Like, right now?"

"Sure.."

That was when he took my hand, I didn't really recognize it. He walked me to the parking lot while I was still looking over my shoulder, seeing Santana standing there and watching us. She looked sad. But why? She just outed me to my best friends. And with that she outed me to everyone. That was for sure, I mean yeah Quinn and Tina were nice to me but they couldn't keep secrets and especially not those kind of secrets. This must have hit them, of course they are my best friends how did I manage to not tell them until now? Well, whatever Santana did the job. But how could she, I was always sweet and nice to her. I've never been mean. I didn't even tell anyone about the fact that I showered her. I didn't tell anyone about the cuddles. And I would never do. So why couldn't she keep the fact that I was gay? After all she should have been scared, cause if I was a bitch, I would have totally told people.

But no, I'm Brittany, and I don't do things like that. As much as this hurt, I totally kept my mouth about everything that happened between me and her.

When we arrived at my house I wanted to say goodbye to Sam but instead of hugging me, he cupped my face and kissed me. Like on the mouth!

I pushed him away and screamed at him: "What the fuck are you doing!"

His face told me that he was surprised by my reaction.  
"I thought that's why we came here.."

"NO SAM! I'm gay! That's why we came here!" (nothing left to lose) did I really just said that? It can't get any worse.. Only if someone put an announcement in the newspaper or something like that.

"So the rumors are true." he looked disappointed. Wait, rumors?

"Rumors? What do you mean?"

"Quinn and Tina talked about it.. Everybody knows."

"Fine, whatever. Bye." and with that I stepped into my house without looking back once.

Really? They already talked about it? Like everybody? Fuck it! That's not how it's supposed to be. It should have happened otherwise. I should have told them. Not anybody else. And especially not Santana! Quinn and Tina don't even know her. I told them that we're not friends, so they must think that I trust her more than them. Sure, that isn't true but still..

And than there is this fucking nice guy Sam, why did he have to kiss me? We could have been best friends but no, he had to kiss me.

I didn't want my face to get completely ruined, but that would mean I had to get other thoughts. I had to go for a run. Since it was only 11AM all the others were still at school I didn't have to worry about them seeing me.

I changed my clothes took my iPod and headphones and got out of this house. I ran faster than ever. But I didn't lose my breath. The music played and at first I were some David Guetta songs that I usually don't hear but they had a great beat for running. Plus, they kept me from thinking about the things that had happened today.

I hummed the last lines of the song while running trough the forest..

_Where them girls at, girls at?  
Where them girls at, girls at?_

_Where them girls at, girls at?_

_So go get them, we can all be friends.._

After that another song came along, at first I didn't realize what it was..

_Skies are crying, am watching_

_catching teardrops in my hands_

_Only silence as it's end-_

Definitely not, too sad. I was shaking my iPod for hearing another song

_For you,_

_there'll be no more crying._

_For you,_

_the sun will be shining._

_And I feel it when I'm with you,_

_it's alright._

_I know it's right._

Okay, that was enough, I pulled my iPod out of my pocket and pressed stop.

I should really get better music for runs. These songs sounded more like I was getting ready for a funeral.

I run the last 2 miles back without hearing music. I was so concentrated on my run that I didn't realize someone was standing at my door until I ran into that person.

Hell, that wasn't my day.

When I looked up I saw how she stared at me.

She cried. Her face was kind of puffy and her hair looked like a mess.

Man, what is it with her?

"Really? How do you even dare to come here?", I tried to walk past her but she wouldn't let me.

"Let me explain..please.", she whispered.

"Explain what, why you told my best friends that I was gay? No thank you, I don't need an explanation for that.", okay, I would have loved to hear why she did it. But I wasn't going to make it that easy for her.

"I didn't. I -" forget it.

"Yeah sure, you didn't. They figured it out on their own right? I'm so gay that you can look at me and immediately recognize that I am gay hm?", I was so damn pissed.

"Britt, let's go inside and talk about it.. please." How could she.

"What the.. NO! And I thought you wanted to make clear that you aren't gay. So why are you wasting your time staying here instead of telling them?"

"It's not a waste.."

"IT IS! Because I won't talk to you. And now leave me alone. Bye."

I still stood in front of her because I couldn't move past her.

I tried to look as annoyed as possible but to be honest I might have looked like a duck or something.

"Stop being like that to me. Okay? I didn't do anything wrong. If you don't want to talk, okay there you go. But don't think you can sit next to me without listening or talking to me.",she huffed.

Fuck it, why did it have to be freaking Monday? If it was Friday or Thursday, I wouldn't give a damn shit about this. But Monday?

I thought that I had to listen to her because of my lack of friends. Yeah, sure most people in my classes aren't strangers to me. But that's only another reason why I'm not going to be friends with them. They are all people how treated me like I was stupid and honestly, after all what Santana did, she didn't call me that.

"Gosh, okay.", she went two steps beside the door so I couldn't shut the door closed without her being right next to me.

"Sit down on the couch, I'm going to change my clothes.", after the run I smelled disgusting.

"Fine." she sounded soft. Softer than ever. But I didn't care I just wanted to get trough this and forget that I've ever known her. After I went upstairs and put on some sweatpants and an oversized v-neck Shirt on I went back down.

When she turned her head from the living room to see me she spoke: "You're beautiful."

Okay, now I was freaking out. Nobody would do that! Besides I'm in sweatpants she had no right to say something like that.

"Aren't you afraid of me trying to rape you when you say something like that?", I said while taking a seat next to her.  
"Oh, am I in your personal straight space? Sorry I'll immediately move." Yeah, I was kind of a bitch right now, but she deserved it. When I stood up to change seats she took a grip around my forearm: "Don't."

"What don't? Do you even know how I feel? Horrible, like my life has reached its end. Tell me everything's going to be okay, because I know it will. But my time at this high school is going to be worse than the things that happened to me in my past. And you want to know whose fault it is? My own. Because I trusted you. How could I be so stupid? I-" I was interrupted by her.

"Don't call yourself stupid." at least she tried to be nice. But trying wasn't enough this time.

She gave me a small smile. It was barely there but still I saw it, like I saw that she didn't lie.

It's kind of easy for me to read people by their actions.

That is maybe the only good thing about the fact that everybody called me stupid.

You know, nobody wants to talk to someone who is stupid. So I hat to get to know them in another way.

It's strange how you can see if someone lies only by their eyes. And if they didn't let me make eye contact (just like fucking Santana) I found another sign.

With Santana it was that she got nervous when she lied. She starts doing unnecessary things with her hands or something like that.

To be honest, the last 30minutes, she didn't lie once.

"Let go of my arm." so she did. I ignored the word she said before and moved myself so that I sat on the opposite of her. I wanted to hear it. I wanted to hear her say it. But while she did it, I wanted to make eye contact, to remember myself why Quinn and Tina were the only ones I let in.

Why I didn't make friends with the popular people (besides Quinn).

Why I didn't tell anyone about my secrets. Nobody keeps a secret. Not if they are not technically involved. Now I knew that. But I had to have something that would always remind me.

I had to see the dark eyes of hers and always remember this horrible feeling that would overcome me once she said it.

She looked at me expectantly, like I should start or something.

"You have 5minutes, and you have to keep eye contact or I will throw you out of my house."

I sounded even more like a bitch than I wanted to but also my voice was low. Strange mixture but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything right now but about the girl in front of me.

She cleaned her throat and looked me deep in the eyes.

We never had such a deep conversation before I think she kind of had to get herself ready.

We made eye contact before, yes a few times but this time it was different. She didn't try to avoid my eyes she just looked straight into them. Hers weren't as dark as I thought they would be, they were warm and calmed me a bit.

The staring didn't stop as she began to talk, just like I wanted it.

I thought this would hurt, but I knew it had to, because in the end it was my own fault.

"You have to let me talk. Until I'm finished, it isn't much that I have to tell you, so it's not going to take you a lot of time okay?" I just nodded so she could continue.

"Fine, I didn't say anything to anyone-" I wanted to interrupt her immediately.  
"No interrupting, remember?" again I just nodded.

"I don't know how and when they figured it out but you have to believe me that it wasn't me who told them. I would have never done that. I can totally help you figure out who it was, but you have to trust me then." she changed the seats and sat down next to me. Forcing me to turn so I could look her in the eyes again.

"How?" it was the only thing I could think about. I looked down into my lap. How? How am I supposed to trust her?

She shuffled closer to me and used her hand to lift my chin up, we were making eye contact again. She came a bit closer with her face. I started to feel uncomfortable but couldn't get away. I couldn't move at all. I just (again) felt the butterflies in my stomach. She looked me deep in the eyes while our faces were only inches from each other (probably only one).

"You just have to." she closed her eyes and moved towards my lips.  
I didn't want that to happen at all, sure maybe I'm falling for her, but she's trouble. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't move. She's straight. She's straight. She let me feel it, she was straight! Of course, she is straight. This sentence has been repeated over and over again in my head.

I closed my eyes too and waited for her to arrive with her lips pressed against my lips.

Her lips were full and beautiful, I could say that. But I couldn't say that they would feel so good as they did. I felt like all the butterflies in my stomach were coming out. Okay less coming out it was more like they've been ripped out of my body.

I was afraid about how she would react, because I kissed her back, maybe that broke the rules.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. She began all the stuff that made her freak out a minute later when I joined her so maybe I shouldn't react and should have let her do whatever she wanted? She could let her little gay come out when it's behind closed doors?

That sounds disgusting.

My fears and thoughts about those terrible things flew away when she deepened the kiss. Both of her hands now gently resting on my cheeks but still they were keeping me close.

That was it, that was what I've been missing for so long.

Kissing a boy was different, I liked them, but never really fell for them. I didn't know if I was falling for Santana but the thought made me feel again the fears.

One of her hands was making its way to my back. It was like she could read my mind.

The touches were calming me and I could have really gotten used to this.

She slowed the kiss and finally pulled away. The latina in front of me didn't open her eyes immediately but leaned in for another kiss but has been interrupted by the noise of our front door.

Her eyes grew wide and she jumped off the couch.

I could see the panic in her eyes and I wanted to make her calm down like she did it with me just a few seconds ago. But I couldn't. She wouldn't let me.

She shook my hand off of her when I tried to reach for her arm and ran out of the house. I tried to keep the tears that were coming up inside.

"Well, we didn't mean to interrupt you girls, but you're supposed to be at school.." my mother said.

So, that's where the noise came from and that's what made Santana run.  
I don't know if I was happy that she was gone, or if I wanted her to come back.  
If she'd came back, maybe she would've just shouted and freaked out again.

I didn't think that she would ever come back. I felt my phone vibrating in the pocket of my sweatpants so I looked if it was Santana. I hoped it was her.

I was right, it was her.  
But it wasn't what I wanted her to write.

**Santana 1:50 P.M.:** _DON'T TELL!_

She is straight, totally straight.

* * *

As usual thanks for reading. :)

I bet there are loads of mistakes in it but I wanted to give you something without waiting another week. I'm gonna look over it in the next few days.

As I said I'm back at school (unfortunately) so there isn't as much time to write but I'll keep it going.

PM and reviews are always welcome (I'll try to answer them personally this time), and if you have ideas to make the story more interesting or anything just talk to me, I won't bite.


	6. Finally

At first, thanks for supporting me and giving me reviews. I'm pretty sorry it took me that long, but actually I had kind of trouble with my parents and was stuck in some paper work for a student exchange to america, but, whatever. So here's a part of the next chapter. So, I hope you'll like it. Much love to you. ;)

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11PM I checked the time again, and it was still Monday. I stopped crying 2 hours ago. Not because I got over it, but there weren't any tears left. 'Don't tell!' I really don't know what hurt more, the fact that she didn't think of it as much as I did, or the fact that I cared so much.

I should have known that it was a mistake. Why did she even have to kiss me. My mother recognized that something was wrong maybe because I was already crying when she wanted to know why I haven't been at school

Why is it so damn complicated? Everything could have been so fucking easy. If I had another locker, I didn't have to talk to her. And if I didn't have to talk to her, this kiss would have never happened.

But I really couldn't think of all the 'what if's now, there was another question, what was I supposed to do now?

I barely managed to not look at her lips even before she kissed me. But right now? That wasn't possible. But I thought that maybe she wouldn't try to talk to me anyway.

Gosh, wouldn't be able do describe my feelings at all. It was a mixture made of angst, sadness, being mad and feeling sorry for myself.

And that was the last thing I thought about before falling asleep.

Tuesday

Fine, I had to go to school, after I hadn't told my mom the reason for me not being at school, she didn't even try to listen to me.

"No! Forget about that. You're going to school! We don't have to discuss about that Brittany!"

"Mom please, I'm just not feeling like I should go today." yeah, like that would change anything.

"And I'm not feeling like I should go to work today, but someone has to pay for that food your cat is eating all the time!" so what? That didn't have anything to do with what I just said.

"He's not eating that much!" okay eating much was an understatement for Tubbs.

After I said that I rushed out of the house. To my surprise I was definitely not able to pretend that Santana didn't exist. But honestly? I would have thought that maybe I could do that at least until I'd arrived at school. But no, Mrs Lopez totally had to stay in front of my house this Tuesday morning after the worst night I ever had, and more important after the worst day I ever had. And my house isn't really on her way either. She's really a person that needs her attention.

"Britt.." she greeted me with a small smile and a wave thrown in my direction. This time, I wouldn't walk past her, I wouldn't show her how much that kiss yesterday affected me.

"Hey Sanny, how are you?" thank god for the hours I spend practicing to lie in front of my mirror.

It sounded almost real, and I could say by the expression on her face, that she wasn't expecting that at all. We began to walk and I waited for her to response.

"Uhm, ...I- I'm fine. A-a-and y-you?" this was priceless. She really thought I would be the weak one again. But no, she had hurt me enough, I'm just gonna rebuild my walls. She remembered me, why I did that in the first place. Here I am again, with not even Quinn and Tina. Right, Quinn and Tina. I had to talk to them soon.

Santana looked at me while we were walking and she's been so distracted that she almost run into a lantern. I had to hold back the giggles that wanted to escape my mouth but couldn't hold back a grin. "Stop acting weird, or we won't even make it to school without you dying. I'm fine by the way." I sounded cheerfully. "Well, it's not me who's really acting weird.." no she wasn't winning this time. "Sure, so, do you have the German homework?" I didn't look at her but smiled. I smiled at how good I could act like nothing was wrong. At least that's what I thought.

After a few minutes of total silence and my heart hurting like everything and nothing at the same time I felt a hard grip around my arm. Santana led me (in a not so soft way) behind the gym. It wasn't until now that I realized that we already arrived at school. "Get yourself together! What are you doing?" I grumbled while shaking her hand off of my arm. "Brittany! You're pretending like yesterday meant nothing to you! I know how you are. And really, if anyone of us has been affected by yesterday it's probably you!" why is everyone thinking I'm weak? Everybody thinks that I can't stand reality or that I'm going to kill myself because my favorite TV-Show isn't on for another 40days. Why? I'm happy most days and I like unicorns, also I'm pretty sure my cat has read my diary but this doesn't mean that I can't handle reality.

Sure, what happened yesterday had almost killed me and inside of me there are still parts that hurt like someone just put knifes in them (a lot of parts felt like that, to be honest) but I can handle it. I wasn't supposed to show her my pain. Not this time.

"Okay, Santana I'm just trying to be honest with you right now. Yesterday got out of control. There were just too much emotions. So that kiss was just your reaction. Probably that happens more often to you, cause as you made clear, it doesn't affect you at all. Right now, I don't really see what's the point. I mean, I don't care. You don't care. Nobody cares and still you've been dragging me here and trying to get something out of me that doesn't exist?"

Really, when I heard the words coming out of my mouth I almost believed them.  
But it was a lie, I cared, I cared so much, I cared too much.

"Uhm, well.. yes, I mean, I don't know.. just.. uhm. Forget it, we have to go to class."

"Okay." I cheered.

Class was boring as always and really I've been here for like a week and already hate most of my classes. I wanted to talk to Sam today and tell him that while I'm indeed gay, Santana is totally straight but I didn't see him so it just had to wait.

Tina and Quinn were avoiding me and didn't answer one of the what seemed like a million messages I sent them. Well, and like that wasn't enough, I had to spend my time with this one girl who kissed me but I had to pretend like that didn't mean anything. And yes, by the time I could tell that I have never felt that way for any guy. So I hoped I didn't but I fell for her. Of course she wasn't supposed to know that. So I tried to work out and make friends as much and often as possible. If that turned out as a success I'd probably get over her. At least that's what I hope.

That's how I spent the following 2 weeks until something happened.

It was Friday and I was just about to head home when I met Santana at her locker.

We got kind of close the last to weeks and with close I don't mean actually close but classmates close. That means that we would spend afternoons learning, like really learning or talking (about school or something lame like football).

"Hi there." she greeted me with a huge smile on her face. She always had that smile on Fridays, like the day would be the best of her life. "Hey San." I greeted her back. To be honest I really acted like there was nothing between us, like the distance between us didn't bother me, like I didn't really like her, like she meant nothing to me. It hurt, not the acting but the way she bought it. She believed everything I said. I'm not a person who likes to have this personal space, not when it comes to her. I'd like to share everything with her, and have her as close as possible. But reality was, that we didn't even hug goodbye. We would just wave and smile in each others directions.

"Still on for tonight?" she distracted me from my thoughts, right it was Friday, that meant she would teach me Spanish later.

"Yeah, sure." I took some books into my locker and wanted to go when I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me.

"Britt?" okay, 2 weeks after 'that thing' happened Sam showed up at school for the first time. What was it with him? I turned around to face him. He didn't look bad at all, maybe a bit lost but that could mean everything.

"Sam, how are you?" I hugged him tightly. That didn't surprise me since he's the only person from my school who I could really hug at all since Tina and Quinn still pretended like I didn't exist and Santana wouldn't let me be closer to her than 5feet. He hugged me back and I could see Santana staring at us with a look that reminded me of jealousy.

"I'm fine, thanks. I just went on vacation with my parents, that's why I haven't been at school for the last 2 weeks.."

Thank god it was that simple. "Gosh, that's nice. Where have you been?" I wasn't really interested but I didn't want another 'what's-our-Maths-homework' conversation with Santana either. "Uhm, maybe we could talk about that later? I actually wanted to invite you to join Glee club." Glee club? I'm really good at dancing, but singing? I don't know.. "Uhm, well.."

"Just come with me and take a look, if you don't like it, then okay. But if you do, then stay. Okay?" He was smiling with his (really) big mouth, so I couldn't resist. "Okay, sure.. When and where?"

Now he smiled even wider, I didn't think that was possible. "Right now and I'm taking you there." He turned around to Santana who was still standing there watching us. "You coming Satan?" she rolled her eyes at his comment. What did I miss? Why is he calling her 'Satan'? Okay, maybe I could ask her about that later, when I'm getting my Spanish lesson. The three of us (Sam in the middle) walked to the room where glee club was headed.

When we entered the room a bunch of people was already sitting in the back. I immediately spotted Quinn and Tina, I didn't know they were joining Glee club. "Hey guys, I brought someone new!" Sam said while waving his hands up and down in front of me. Santana rolled her eyes again and went to sit down in the back row. Quinn and Tina sent me some looks that could have killed me. I didn't really know where to sit. "Blondie, you can sit next to me!" Santana called. What? Blondie? Why did she call me Blondie? I think that wasn't nice and actually it got me a bit. What the fuck was wrong with her? She acted like I was her bitch!

I was about to take the seat next to her because I didn't know where else to sit, I even thought about sitting on the ground when Quinn stood up and turned around to face Santana. She began to yell at her: "Don't you fucking dare to talk to her like that!" Well, that wasn't exactly what I expected but okay. Santana was a little bitch, I knew that but what she answered was too much. "Fuck off Quinn, you avoided her for like 2 weeks just because she's gay! So don't tell me how to talk to her." Yeah sure, why not telling everybody as soon as they get to know me. Sam ran to Santana and forced her to follow him outside.

"Uhm, okay.. I'm Brittany and as you know thanks to Santana I'm gay too." I stuttered while sitting down on the free spot next to Quinn.

I didn't get what Santana's problem was. Maybe it had something to do with the guys that were threatening her. I don't know, maybe I should talk to her about that later, but honestly we didn't talk about something personally since that kiss.

She and Sam came back 5 minutes later. Santana gave me a questioningly look about my seat but didn't say anything. Santana and Sam were followed by the teacher. His name was Mr Schuester, well everybody calls him Mr Schue anyways. "Oh, I see someone new in here. What's your name?" he said while looking at me. His voice is quite nice and he looks pretty good. I guess Glee club could become my first 'class' to like.  
"I'm Brittany."

"Okay, so Brittany, if you want to join Glee club, you have to audition. the stage is yours." Everybody laughed really hard. I didn't know why but answered Mr Schue's question "Well, I don't have anything prepared."

"Then think about it while I'll give the first performance!" Santana said. The judging looks from the others told me that it wasn't something you had to expect from her. She stood up and walked to the free spot in front of the seats. Santana shrugged with her shoulders and then turned around whispering something to Mr Schue who was now sitting in front of the piano. He began to play a melody. I knew this song.. Santana looked at me, gave me a small smile and began to sing:

_Walking_  
_Same side_  
_Wish I could hold on to what's on my mind_

_Walking_  
_Hold tight_  
_Wish I had known how to be on your side _

_If I'd known before_

_I'll be holding you so tight_  
_Try to get it right this time _  
_Never should have followed that dream, know what it's all about _  
_I'll be loving you somehow_  
_Start to give it to you now _  
_Show you but a laugh and cry, baby I will ease your mind_

_Walking_  
_Same side_  
_Wish I had known from the start to be kind_

Okay, yes, I really knew that song. Santana kind of had her eyes glued on me which made me feel uncomfortable.

_Walking_  
_Hold tight_  
_Look for a way cause I'm willing to try_

If I didn't knew better, I would've thought she meant me. But, whoever she meant, she really felt that song.  
I didn't expect her to even know that song at all.

_If I'd known before_

_I'll be holding you so tight_  
_Try to get it right this time _  
_Never should have followed that dream know what it's all about _  
_I'll be loving you somehow_  
_Start to give it to you now _  
_Show you but a laugh and cry, baby I will ease your mind_

Why was she even singing that song?

_Gonna love you soon sister sun brother moon_  
_Gonna love you soon sister sun brother moon_

Of course, the others tried to figure out which song it was.

_I'll be holding you so tight_  
_Try to get it right this time _  
_Never should have followed that dream know what it's all about _  
_I'll be loving you somehow_  
_Start to give it to you now _  
_Show you but a laugh and cry, baby I will ease your mind_

I think I saw a tear escape her eyes but I'm not quite sure about that.

_Will ease your mind  
Will ease your mind_

Gonna love you soon sister sun brother moon  
Gonna love you soon sister sun brother moon  
Gonna love you soon

When she finished all the people in the room were sitting and just watching her, but then they applauded her. "What song is that?" Quinn asked in a not so friendly way, like the song was disgusting. "Leslie Clio – Sister Sun Brother Moon." I answered so quiet that I thought nobody heard me. "That girl who had a single called 'I couldn't care less'?" Rachel asked. "Yes." I answered a bit louder this time "She's German." And that's how I managed to have all of their looks on me again.

"Where did you get that from?" some of them asked at the same time. "Uhm.." I didn't know exactly how to tell them that I actually spend more time in Germany than at school.

"Does that even matter?" Santana asked, the first thing she said after her performance. She was loud enough that the people outside of this room could have heard her. Everybody was looking at her again and I felt immediately better. Although she didn't have to do that for me, I'm really grateful she did.  
"Okay, whatever. Nice performance Santana. Brittany? Your turn will be tomorrow okay?" Mr Schue gave me a smile and I felt good. "Actually I'd rather dance.. than sing-" Sam interrupted me "YES! The girls said that she is an awesome dancer!" His smile was bigger than ever.

There were only 40 minutes left of the class and Quinn and Tina looked at me every 5 minutes.

I liked it, that meant they still cared about me. And when I'm lucky enough they would talk to me.

For once in my life I was really that lucky person.

After Mr Schue ended the class Quinn, who was sitting right next to me turned herself around. Now she was facing me "Can we just talk?" she asked. Really? This is probably that one thing I wanted to have the last 2 weeks! "Britt, are you coming?" Santana asked. I looked at her and answered her straight "No, I'm staying. See you later." (It was Friday, I would see her today anyways.) She let her eyes rest on Quinn for what felt like a lifetime before saying "Okay." and heading outside. I could say that she was disappointed but well, she'll get over it. "So?" I asked Quinn and Tina who were now sitting in front of me. As soon as everybody was out of the room Quinn was hugging me tightly. I felt a bit surprised but hugged her back immediately. I could hear that she was crying.

"Shh, it's okay." I whispered in her ear and hold her even tighter. "No. No it's not!" she said while loosening her grip and looking at me again. "You're thinking we were angry because of you being a lesbian.." Think? "Well, last time I checked that was the reason for you ignoring me." Quinns eyes told me that I was wrong. "No! It was never about that. Britt, we know that you're lesbian for what feels like forever." Eh what? "Thanks.", I was kind of disappointed in that moment, because, if they knew, why didn't they tell me? That would have been much easier for me and for them.

Tina must have recognized my disappointment cause she let her hand fall to my back and drew small circles. I relaxed at that. I always relaxed when they did stuff like that, unfortunately they didn't very often. "Britt, you've never been interested in any guys. No matter how hot they are, you'd always be like: Not my type. Of course we got that you're more interested in girls we-" "Why didn't you just ask me?" I blurted out. "We wanted you to tell us on your own. It wasn't us to tell you that." Quinn answered. Her voice was soft and calmed me. "Okay, I guess you're right then.. But, why were you angry then?" The looked at each other before answering "You didn't tell us. You know, it's not nice to hear that your best friend is gay from someone else, who doesn't know her at at all." Fuck Santana! "I know, I'm sorry, I don't understand why I even trusted her."

Quinn and Tina furrowed their brows at that. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"Well, at least you're still talking about my mother!" Quinn said. "What? No! I was never talking about your mother, I talked about Santana! She told you, didn't she?"

"Hold on, you told Santana before you told us? What kind of best friend are you?" Tina yelled.

Quinn shot her a look that easily could have killed her.

"Tina, just go. I'm gonna talk to Britt on my own."

"But I-" Tina tried to respond but Quinn wouldn't let her: "TINA!" "Okay whatever. I'll just wait outside." and then she was out of the room. "I'm sorry, she would have just made it worse than it already is." I just nodded to make her continue. "Okay, you know, it's not like I didn't get that thing between you and Santana. I have no idea what's going on with you two, but feel free to tell me." That thing? There was nothing between me and Santana, unfortunately. "Quinn, really.. there is nothing we could talk about.. She just..She's.." I couldn't believe how hard it was to talk about her. "It's okay sweetie, you'll figure it out! I'll help you. Just give Tina some time.. She kind of doesn't see your point. But she'll get over it." Quinn said while looking at the door where Tina stood on the other side. "Well, I'm really sorry for not telling you. But honestly I haven't told your mom either.." Where did she get that from at all? Quinn let out a laugh "I guess you told your mom?" Right, our parents are like twins. "Yeah, so this is where that came from." My gaze fell into my lap.  
"I'm sorry that I hadn't been there for you. But I'm making it up to you, I promise!" With that Quinn hugged me tighter than she ever. It really felt good to have her back. Now I just had to get trough the Spanish lesson and then the day would be gone.

When I wanted to head home Quinn insisted on taking me home. So we walked side by side talking about everything and nothing. Tina wasn't with us, she was already gone when we finished talking.

It had been nice to have Quinn back, we had some deep conversations which I really enjoyed. Quinn didn't really want to go home, so I just invited her to stay. And a few Revenge episodes and talks about Finn Hudson or Rachel Berry later my phone buzzed. At first I didn't want to get it at all, but it wouldn't stop.

When I reached it Santanas face showed up on my screen. Why was she calling me? And then it clicked. Fuck, I totally forgot our Spanish lesson. Shit, I so not wanted to have a conversation like this right now. What was I supposed to say?  
Well, whatever I had to answer the call anyways.

"Hey San." Maybe she wasn't mad at all. Quinn gave me a wink when she realized who I was talking too.  
"Where are you?", okay, she definitely has been mad. Quinn whispered something about me asking Santana out.  
"Quinn stop it!" I couldn't hold it back. I hoped Santana didn't hear that, but I totally had already used my daily portion of luck.  
"Are you with Quinn?!" She didn't sound angry, just disappointed.  
"Uhm, well.. Yeah she's here. But I'll be over in 10 minutes okay?" Please..  
"I didn't mean to interrupt you. Whatever." Then she hung up.

"Soooo, is she going to go on a date with you?" Quinn teased. I slapped her arm slightly while shaking my head.  
"I don't think so. I guess she's mad at me."'I know' would have fit better.  
"Why? Is she thinking that we're having something?" uhm, why would she think that?  
"No, why? But I was supposed to be at hers right know to get my Spanish lesson." Right, Spanish.  
"Uhm, is that a gay-code for making out?" And people said that I was stupid.  
"No Quinn, like I told you it's a code for learning Spanish." It wasn't even a code at all.  
"Okay, so let me take you there."

Quinn brought me to Santana and when I saw her spying us through a window of her mansion I immediately regretted that Quinn hugged me so tight.

I didn't like doorbells so I just knocked on the door like I always did.  
Santana opened the door and didn't say anything. She just walked back into the house leaving the door open so that I could follow her.

"Well, hi to you too." I didn't mean to say something that let the already there tension grew but I did.  
Santana turned around we were in the living room, and I would totally say that she had cried.  
"So, everything okay with Quinnie und Tina?" she sound offended.  
"Uhm yes. Listen, I'm sorry that I-" she interrupted me  
"Oh no, no need to be sorry. I know, I was just that little pillow to catch you when they let you fall but know there's no use for me anymore right?" What? How could she even think things like this? I took a step closer to her but she backed away. She was avoiding to look at me.  
"Santana, listen to me. I'm sorry that I forgot about our Spanish lesson but I really had to clear things with Quinn. She's my best friend. I thought you'd understand that." Again I took a step closer, but again she took a step back.  
"So what? You don't need me anymore? You have enough of me? Are you serious cause-" Enough!  
"Santana stop it! Don't even think about it that way. Just because everything is okay with Quinn, doesn't mean that I got Spanish skills! Of course I still need you. That thing with Quinn and Tina has nothing to do with you! I didn't think it would bother you at all." The last part came out as a whisper. But her answer showed that she heard it "Of course it bothers me when someone uses me." What the fuck?  
"San I never used you!" Of course I didn't!  
"What did you tell her about me?" finally there were tears coming up in her eyes.  
"I just told them that I have most of my classes with you and that you're actually the person I told first about... you know." It was still hard to say it out loud.  
"Did you tell them about the shower? Or the kiss?" the tears rolled down her cheek slowly. Why would I do that? Of course I didn't tell Quinn or Tina about that.  
I took a step closer, this time she didn't try to get away. She just stared at me. I dried her tears with the sleeves of my sweater.  
Now we made eye contact again. This time it was much deeper than the others although they were deep too. But this thing was another stage. It was like I'd finally got to her. But I totally knew this wasn't real. It was just a weak moment of hers. Seeing her eyes in that stadium almost hurt. She looked lost. But why? Had she really thought I would have told them? Is that how much she trusted me? Is that what all this behavior is about?  
I answered with my voice as soft as possible "No, of course I didn't! And I'm not going to either. Is that the reason for you being offended? Did you really think I would tell them?"  
"N- No I-I j-just d-do-don't know how to handle this..." she gestured with her hands, so that I knew she meant us. Me and her.  
"What do you mean?" I was confused.. I didn't know what we were, but more important, I didn't know what she wanted us to be.  
"Another time.. For now we could start t practise Spanish?" There she was again. And she shut me down in like 30 seconds. Personal best.  
"Or we could talk about us. And get to know each other better.." My voice raised and I kind of was afraid that there was too much hope behind it.  
"Sounds good to me."

I opened my arms and hugged her for the first time in 2 weeks.

* * *

Song: Leslie Clio - Sister Sun Brother Moon.

I hope you guys liked it.  
Let me know what you think of it. ;)  
Let's just hope I'm faster with the next one.  
What would you think about another kiss?


	7. Being honest

Sooooo, here's the next chapter, I'm sorry that it took more than 4 weeks to finish it but it's been a tough one. Also I'm just really busy with school but I'll write more in the next few weeks because I'll have some more time to do so.  
Thanks to those who wrote me these nice reviews and follow/liked my story you guys are awesome. 3

Anyways as always I hope you enjoy and maybe you could leave a review.

* * *

"Britt?" Santana asked while she turned herself around so she was facing me.

"Yes San?" We were lying on her bed for the last 3 hours. On the floor were our Spanish books, we didn't really learn tonight we just talked about us, where we came from, what kind of life we've lived so far. It was the first time I really thought, that I knew her though.

"Do you want to stay for tonight?" Uhm what? That was going to be difficult for me.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just have to go home and pack some things." I really couldn't say no to her.

"I'm coming with you!" Okay.. that sounded like something big would happen, why was she so happy about this? We stood up and when she was about to head out of the room I called her:

"Santana?"

She turned herself around and was leaning against the door frame. "Yes?" she was smiling, that kind of smile you couldn't fake. "Why are you so happy?"

"It's just.. well, doesn't matter okay? Let's go get you stuff!" sure, like it would have been so hard to say that she's happy I'll spend the night with her. Wait, with her? That sounds wrong. Next to her. Am I even sleeping next to her?

And of course, before my brain could have stop my mouth I already asked that stupid question: "Wait, San? Where am I going to sleep? Please don't let me sleep on the floor.. I hate that." Honestly I could have waited until it was bedtime if I really wanted to know but okay.

It took her a few seconds to realize the stupid question I just asked, but then she just gave me a little wink and turned around to head downstairs. So, that's where I'm going to sleep? Nice.

I had to hurry a bit because when I was downstairs she already had opened the font door and was ready to go get my stuff.

"Why do we have to hurry? I mean, I don't even know if mom will let me sleep at yours.." That was actually a really good point, because since I came out my mother thinks that I'm sleeping with every girl I hang out with. And if it wasn't for my good Spanish grades I got, she wouldn't believe that Santana and I were practicing Spanish on Fridays either.

When we were halfway there and talked about Tubbs when I saw a bunch of kids coming closer. Santana stopped immediately and stared into their direction. First I didn't think anything of it and laughed: "What's up San? So shocked that he ate all the ice-cream?" (Stupid fucking me.) But when she didn't say anything I knew something else must have been wrong. She was shaking. Her whole body was shaking. Her eyes were tearing up and she looked scared. Santana's hands found my arm. The grip got so tight that I felt the blood stopped reaching my fingers.

While Santana was having a panic attack next to me the kids were still coming closer. They seemed to recognize us or at least her because the tallest boy of them was pointing in at us with his finger.

Santana's grip tightened with every step they came closer.

And then it hit me.

Of course, these guys had to be the ones who were threatening Santana. Who else would have made her feel like that.

As I realized that they were almost close enough to hurt us (yeah well after what Santana told me about them I thought they'd hurt us) I dragged her onto a small path that would lead us to the wood I've been running at the last three months.

So I knew where we had to go so there wasn't a chance for us to get lost. I would have recognized every little thing, like a tree or every pile of leaves if I wasn't in such a hurry.

Santana didn't protest at all when I forced her to come with me by taking her hand, she just looked at me while the first tears escaped her eyes. Really, I know this girl for less than 3 months but have already seen her cry as often as Quinn. When I looked back to see if they were following us I frowned, they were.

I didn't know what to do in the first place but realized soon after that we had to move faster to get to my house.

And that's what we did. We ran. I could hear them scream after us: "What's up Sanny, aren't you happy to see us?"

That only made me run faster. I tugged at Santana's arm to make her run too. She was only one step behind me but still I had to make sure that she's there every 3 seconds.

I took a grip around her hand just to feel that she's not gone.

"Who's that Lopez? Your new girlfriend?" the tall boy screamed again. Even if the words hit me hard, I felt relief cause his voice became lower.

"Whaaaat? Sanny, I knew that you're dyke. Haha, don't play it off again!?" I could hear a girl's voice call. Immediately Santana wanted to stop, but now was not the time. I squeezed her hand and tried to speak as soft as possible "Gosh San, were almost there, just go on!" Well, that wasn't soft at all, but it did work.

She started to move again and we ran the last few meters to my house. We entered the house through our backyard. When we went in my mom stood right in front of me and I almost ran into her. "Don't you have eyes?!" I screamed. Not really the best way to ask your mom if you can have a sleepover with a friend. But I was so stressed and still focused on these guys that I wasn't able to keep my voice low.  
"Uhm, Brittany? You ran into me?" my mom must have recognized that something was wrong, usually she would have made a comment about me bitching around. But she didn't.

Santana shot me a look that told me she wanted to get her mind cleared.

"San? You can go upstairs, I'll be with you I in time."

She nodded and went upstairs.

I looked after her until she was gone.

When I turned to face my mother again she was already cleaning the shelves on the wall.

"Mom?" I asked her lightly.

She turned herself around and looked deep into my eyes. I knew she was trying to figure something out, but I just couldn't tell what it was.

"Do you love her?" she asked when a smile appeared on her face.

"Eh what? Santana? No of course not! Why?" I was getting nervous. Thinking that you might fall for someone is one thing, but hearing that your mother thinks you are a completely different!

"I just thought that the way you two looked at each other meant..-" "NO! We're nothing. Just friends. I just wanted to ask you if I could stay at hers for tonight?" I hate cutting her off. But hearing how she thought about the way Santana looked at me would've been too much.

Not because it's not true but because it would hurt to hear that I might be right about her.

She sighted before offering me a sweet smile. I knew what that meant!

I hugged her and squeezed a "Thanks" before running upstairs. On the last stair I found a crying Santana with her head in her hands and my mood dropped back to where it was before mom said "yes". I offered her my hand by touching hers lightly. She took it and stood up.

I lead her into my room and while I closed the door behind us she was already collapsing on my bed.

This just reminded me of the last time she lay in my bed. When she came here, full of dirt and totally destroyed by these assholes. And with that they came back on my mind.

Santana was curled up like a ball on my bed and I really didn't know what to do. Sure, I could have just waited until she calmed down enough to talk but that was definitely not my plan. At first I didn't have a plan at all, but my head told me what I wanted to hear of I was her.

So I sat down next to her and tried to talk to her.

"San? These were the bullies weren't they?"

By noticing that her crying got harder I knew that I was right. It's not like I thought I wasn't, but I hoped it.

I let my hand rest on her back to comfort her. She leaned into my touch almost immediately.

"San, have you told anyone about that?"

She sat up and looked at me, my hand still resting on her back.

"W-w-what?" she stuttered. It was kind of a miracle that she managed to say anything at all.

"Did you talk to anyone about these guys bullying you?"

She looked at me like I just suggested the most disgusting thing ever.

"You may have to, I mean.. You already told me what they did to you the last time, when you came to me, but it doesn't seem like they're going to stop soon. Maybe they'll do something that's really going to hurt you!" I was scared for her. I really was. The bullies didn't look handsome, in fact they looked dangerous.

Santana stood up straightened her clothes and fixed her hair that was a mess. I had no idea how she felt in that moment, ever since I tried to make eye contact or get intimate with her, on a friendly basis I felt like she was drawing a circle around her personal space.

"Well, they already did that." her gaze fell to the ground. I guess she thought I didn't know that, but as stupid as I am when it comes to math or geography or whatever, when it comes to people I'm really good. Except almost everyone could have seen how hurt she was.

She was uncomfortable, but that wasn't a surprise.

I wanted to make sure that she heard the next thing. So I lifted her chin with my hand. She was kinda forced to make eye contact with me, but somehow she managed to look everywhere but me.

That didn't really matter as long as we were on the same high. "Santana.." I began, when she finally hold my gaze. Her eyes still had tears in them, or these were new. I don't really know, but it didn't matter either.

"I mean not only emotionally? What would you have done if I hadn't been with you?

You were totally out of control! San, you didn't move until I dragged you."

Tears were escaping her eyes and I carefully wiped them away with my thumbs.

"Britt I'm scared.." it came out as a whisper.

She was, I offered her a small smile and watched her fiddling with the hem of my shirt before I pulled her in a tight hug. I could feel how she relaxed into my embrace.

That was all I could ask for in that moment. Pulled me closer as I thought was possible, but I knew that was what she needed right now.

"I know" I said soft. It wasn't really an answer to what she said before, it was more like a statement to this whole situation: "me too."

Again I felt how small and fragile she was, and again I knew that this wouldn't last. I didn't know how long it would take her to make an unappreciative comment about her not being gay but that wasn't even on my thoughts anyway. Although it really surprised me that she didn't yet, cause, the bullies had totally made clear what they thought. These were everything I could think of in that moment. I mean, they had to have something against Santana. Why would they feel so confident if they hadn't?

And wait, didn't that girl say "Don't play it off again"? What did she mean by again?

I knew if I would bring it up right now Santana would have been gone so I would just have to wait until the right time comes.

"So, what will I have to take with me?" I asked as I pulled apart and turned around to grab a bag from my cupboard. Santana stood there for a while not saying or doing anything before she gave me a small smile and answered: "Uhm, I guess fresh clothes, toothbrush and stuff, and maybe you have a good DVD?" She was still quiet but at least she was able to form full sentences.

I grabbed my stuff and told her some stories about Tubbs because they make everyone laugh. No matter how sad you are, a story about a smoking cat is always welcome and especially because they're true.

When I finished packing everything I had into this bag we went downstairs. "Bye mom, bis morgen!" I shouted without even looking where she was.

"So, you're speaking German with your parents?" Santana asked when we finally got out of our house.

"Uhm, sometimes. But as long as we're here, we mostly speak English. And you and your parents?"

I was curious about that. I mean, I knew that she could speak Spanish fluently, but I never got if she was American or Spanish or Hispanic or wherever they spoke Spanish.

"Not really, only when my abuela is with us. But that's because my parents already grew up here so there isn't really the need to speak Spanish either." I felt like this was going to be an actual conversation. Like something you can just talk about without constantly having this tensed feeling.

It's pretty amazing how we got to this point when less than 30min ago she was crying really hard.

"Well, Spanish is a hot language.." before I could think about what I was supposed to say it already came out. I could have slapped myself for that comment, but at least I was being honest. Ireally think Spanish is hot.

"Uhm, okay. German is too!" argh, she was an awful liar.

I just laughed "What? Why are you laughing?" Did she really have to ask that?

"You're lying. German isn't hot, if German is anything than strange. I mean, most people say something about German always sounds like you're angry. But you can sound nice while speaking German too." I explained.

This is actually really a thing in our family, my parents would always discuss about how they colleges don't understand that German is a usual language.

"You can? So, then say something nice to me in German." she looked at me for a moment before turning her head back forward.

"Nah, I don't know what to say." this wasn't going to end well, I knew it!

"Come on, just say anything, please." she started poking me in the sides. It was tickling and I couldn't handle it very well so I gave in soon after she started.

"Okay okay.. Uhm.."

"Britt!"

"Yes, I'm thinking.." I didn't know what to tell her.

And then I said the first thing that came into my mind:  
"Du bist das Schönste was ich je gesehen habe." I said soft while a smile appeared on my lips, although it didn't last long.

Oh my god, if she understood that, I'm going to die. I could have said anything like, how the weather was or what my favorite color is but no, I totally had to tell her that she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

She cleared her throat "Uhm, yes. That indeed sounded beautiful. What does it mean?"  
Thank god!

"Well, you'll have to find out on your own!" I chuckled.

I hoped that she didn't even heard what I said, so she wouldn't get to know it anyways.

"Can you repeat it?" she said while taking her phone out of her pocket.

"No, of course not, that would be way too easy." I was satisfied with how I handled this situation. Sure, inside of me I was freaking out, but I was good enough at keeping it inside that she didn't recognize it at all.

"You're mean!" she sighted.

Maybe I was dumb, stupid, useless and much more, but definitely not mean.

"I'm not, and you know that." I poked her in her rips, but made sure it wouldn't hurt her.

"Maybe?" she answered while fiddling with her key.

I hadn't recognized that we were already there. Maybe that was because I didn't feel the need to reach something before I can be comfortable again.

Our talk hadn't been extremely deep though, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as it used to be.

When we got into her house I realized that we were alone. Like, actually alone.

"Uh San? Aren't your parents home or something?"

"Nope, my mum's gonna come home at 10PM and my dad won't be home at all." She explained, I could hear a little disappointment when she talked about her dad.

"Why?" I couldn't resist. Really, if I was close to her, right now I was about to destroy everything.  
"Y-You don't have to tell me though. Sorry." I quickly added. I really didn't want to rush her into something. She shouldn't feel like I would force her to tell me whatever it was. I felt extremely uncomfortable

"Britt, it's fine. He's just a surgeon at the hospital and isn't home very often. Nothing else, okay?" she smiled when she explained to me.

So, we weren't even 2 minutes at her place and I've already embarrassed myself. In other words, I've been my perfect self.

It didn't bother me that much though, because I knew Santana wouldn't think anything of it. She never does. It's like she doesn't care.

"Will we talk?" I asked curiously. I wanted to know more about these bullies, sure, she told me once but to be honest I didn't remember too much.

Maybe she didn't want to talk about them at all, but that won't matter because she has to talk about them.

If she doesn't want to talk about it with me, fine but she had to say something.

Really, I don't know if I went too far, because she looked at me, but avoided my eyes. She's was uncomfortable. But still not uncomfortable enough to throw me out.

"About what?" seriously? Why would you ask that? Santana totally knew what I've been talking about, and still she asks a question like that.

"Come on, you know who I meant." I said, taking a seat on the couch in the living room.

She sat down next to me, her eyes glued to the floor.

"You know everything, what should we talk about?", she sighted finally looking at me.  
It must have been hard for her. I guess she never told anyone about this, but honestly? How come that nobody recognized this? This girl has been threatening by some guys who aren't very discreet. "I know nothing San.. Let's start at the beginning, why are they threatening you?" I shuffled a bit closer to her, just to make her feel that I would be there and that I wouldn't go anywhere.

"I don't even remember how it all began." she sighted.

The way she said that made me a bit curious. Because it really sounded like she just didn't want to talk about it.

"Gosh Santana. I thought that we moved past this. Of course you remember. Nobody forgets something like that-" "Something like what?!" she interrupted me with her voice louder that it was before.

"Something that brings this much of pain.." I said quietly. Sure, I had no idea how Santana felt, but I could see that she was hurt. And the way she reacted when we met them earlier only showed how right I've been.

She thought about lying to me, I knew that. The way she tried to look at anything but me, like she was searching for the answer, made me feel like she wasn't comfortable with telling me yet.

"Look San, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But maybe talking wouldn't be a bad thing for you." she still wasn't looking at me so I used my hand to make her look at least in my direction before I continued "You don't have to handle any of this alone. There are people who want to help you, even if you're not the nicest person in the world sometimes." She chuckled at this and tried to look away again but my hand didn't let her.

"Why do you shut yourself down like that?"

"It's easier." she whispered. "Sometimes." I answered "But most of the time it makes life a lot harder. Do you trust anyone?"

I wanted her to say that she trusted me, because probably I was the only one who cared about her in that way. Maybe this wasn't good at all and it just meant that I still fell for her but I just couldn't imagine how she would handle all of this stuff on her own.

I saw a small tear escaping her eyes and rolling down her cheek. Well, I thought that this was a 'no'.

Why would she cry if it wasn't anyways?

"I trust you.." her lips formed a small barely there smile and I gave her a bigger one in response.

"Then tell me." I didn't want to rush her, I really didn't. But honestly I thought that maybe she's been alone with whatever it is long enough.

Again she sighted before she began to talk or at least before she said my name: "Britt.." "Santana, don't feel like I want to rush you or anything. If you're not in the mood of telling me right now, then that's okay. But if you trust me, which you said you do, it shouldn't be such a big thing. Don't let them get you. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable while telling me, and you won'tI promise you that and you know why? Because it's okay, it's okay to tell people what's on your mind and it's okay to tell people what hurts you. Maybe I can't do anything to help you, but who knows that? If we don't even try to get this right you'll regret it soon. At least I'll try everything to help you, and make you feel better. Okay?" I asked, she was now looking at me. I said what I thought, and for once that didn't sound stupid at all.

If I was being honest I was impressed by myself. A few years ago I wouldn't have had the strength to tell anybody about my own problems, so I wouldn't even think about saying something like that.

People change, and I really hoped that Santana would do that soon too. It's hard to help someone who acts like she didn't need help at all. But when you get these small moments where people like her open themselves long enough and wide enough to let you see what's really going on inside of them you see how weak they actually are.

That's exactly what made me think that maybe she would try to let me in. I don't know what happened to her, but I know that I love these small moments too much to just let her move too far to reach.

Now was one of these moments where I get to see what's inside of her but soon enough she would shut me out again, that was for sure but I didn't care.

I knew that she only tried to protect herself from something that happened to her.

She was like me when it came to that. I wouldn't let a lot of people get close to me either.

Sure, I'd never act like a bitch or be mean to someone. But only a few people knew my little secrets. To be honest only Quinn and Tina. With my little secrets I didn't mean being gay or loving my cat but most people don't know the little things that are going on with me. Like, that I'm constantly trying to get rid of that lack of knowledge about almost everything I need in school or how I'm feeling about dance. Even Tina doesn't know about those things. Quinn has been the only one that ever completely understood how, when and why I felt something. It's weird that I didn't tell her first about me being gay but it only made me understand even more why she's been mad.

I didn't realize that I've been in my thoughts for such a long time unless she cleared her throat.

I immediately snapped out of my thoughts and gave my attention to Santana again.

"Britt, there was something that happened in the last year at my old school. I'm not ready yet to tell you what had happened completely, but it made them hate me. You're going to laugh-" "I'd never laugh at you!" I immediately regretted that I said that. Maybe now she wouldn't finish what she wanted to say. But she just nodded slowly before continuing.

"I know, but it's funny, these kids were my best friends before that one thing happened. I never thought that I'd ever lose them but sometimes a small thing is enough to let the bomb explode, you know? I didn't do something, and I didn't hurt any of them. But it seems like they thought otherwise about this. I changed, at least I didn't really changed. But I became honest. I didn't lie about myself anymore, and that's why I lost them. I don't quite get why they behave like this. I mean, they could just let me be my stupid little self, but instead they threat my like I'm their little victim.

And that's how I feel, you know? Like a victim. I don't get to say anything if I'm a victim, so I stopped being myself and created this little bitchy version of a girl. It's easier, it really is for me. I'm just afraid that if I let anyone in again and that if I'm being honest the same thing will happen over and over again. You can see how I'm barely handling this thing, and if that happens again I won't make it. It would break me." she was now crying. She's been completely honest with me for what feels like the first time. "I won't let that happen." I said as quietly as I could. And with that she fell into my arms. I hugged her as tight as my arms allowed me to just to make her feel that it will be okay. I didn't even knew if it really would be okay, but I knew that I would try everything to make her feel good again. To make her feel like herself again. To let her be honest with herself.

* * *

That's it, I hope you enjoyed and as usual I'm sorry for mistakes but I'll read over it again the following days.

Love you, and let me know what you think. 3


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